I hate going for prostate exams with my doctor... Are dim lights, candles, a bottle of wine and Barry White music really necessary?
My wife watched a porn film for the first time with me last night. She was ok with the graphic sex scenes but found the masturbation very off putting. She kept slapping my hand to get me to stop.
A blond woman goes to the hospital. "What seems to be the problem?" asked the Doctor. "Something is terribly wrong, I keep finding postage stamps from Costa Rica in my vagina." The Doctor had a look, chuckled and said "Those aren't postage stamps my dear, they're the stickers off the bananas"
I saw an ex-girlfriend in town earlier and we had a really nice chat. As we said bye to one another I gave her a hug and she smiled. "You've changed," she said, "You seem so much more mature now." I'd love to see her face when she finds the "I suck cock" note I stuck on her back.
A bodybuilder was admiring his body in the mirror when he noticed he was suntanned everywhere but his penis. So, he went to the beach, naked, and buried himself in the sand with only his penis sticking out. Two elderly ladies walked by and saw this penis sticking out of the sand. One of them moved it around with her cane. She said to her friend, "There isn't any justice in this world." Her friend asked her what she meant. "When I was 20, I was curious about it. When I was 30, I enjoyed it. When I was 40, I demanded it. When I was 50, I paid for it. When I was 60, I prayed for it. When I was 70, I forgot about it. And now that I'm 80, the damn things are growing wild, and I'm too fu*king old to squat."
Do you ever think about somebody else when we're making love? My wife asked. No, I replied. It's always been your sister!
