King Charles decided to take up walking every day. At the same street corner, he passed a hooker standing there every day. He learned to brace himself as he approached her for what was almost certain to follow. "One hundred and fifty pounds!" she'd shout. "No! Five pounds!" He said from the side of his mouth, just to shut her up. This ritual between him and the hooker became a daily occurrence. She'd yell, "One hundred and fifty pounds!" He'd yell back, "Five pounds!" One day, Camilla decided to accompany her husband. As the couple neared the hooker's corner, Prince Charles realised she'd bark her £150 offer and Camilla would wonder what he'd really been doing on all his past outings. He figured he'd better have a good explanation for his wife. As they neared the hooker’s corner he became even more apprehensive than usual. Sure enough, there she stood. He tried to avoid eye contact as she watched the couple pass. Then, the hooker yelled, "See what you get for five pounds, you tight bastard !”
A guy with constipation is sat in the public toilets trying his best, after a few minutes he hears footsteps come rushing in, & the cubicle door next to him slams shut noisily,after a second or two he hears an almighty explosive sh#tting, f#rting noise. He says " I wish I could do that " The voice from the next cubicle says "I bet you don't I couldn't get my trousers down in time "
Quasimodo went to his doctor. "How can I help you,' asked the doctor." I just don't feel right,' replied Quasimodo "OK,can you take off all your clothes and we'll try to find out what's wrong." said the doctor. Quasimodo took off ten vests,eight shirts and fourteen jumpers. ''When was the last time you took off all your clothes?" asked the doctor. "When I was at school" replied Quasimodo. "Did you never wonder what happened to your school bag" replied the doctor.
I woke up to go to the toilet in the middle of the night (as I often do) & I noticed a strange individual who looked like a terrorist with a knife in his hand, sneaking through my next door neighbour’s back garden. Suddenly my neighbour came from nowhere and smacked him over the head with a shovel, killing him instantly. He then dug a grave in the vegie patch and put the body in it and covered it. Astonished, I got back into bed. As I tossed and turned my wife said, "You're upset, what is it?" "You'll never believe what I've just seen," I said. ”What” she said "That bastard next door has still got my shovel.".
At a wedding ceremony, the pastor asked if anyone had anything to say concerning the union of the bride and groom. It was their time to stand up and talk, or forever hold their peace. The moment of utter silence was broken by a young beautiful woman carrying a child. She started walking toward the pastor slowly. Everything quickly turned to chaos. The bride slapped the groom. The groom's mother fainted. The groomsmen started giving each other looks and wondering how best to help save the situation. The pastor asked the woman, "Can you tell us why you came forward? What do you have to say?" The woman replied, "We can't hear in the back."
My son said, "Dad, when was the first time you fell in love?" I said, "I was 18. I walked into a bar and spotted the most gorgeous blonde I'd ever seen. Cupid fired his arrow the second I saw her." He said, "WOW…So what happened?" I said, "Nothing son. Unfortunately the arrow missed and hit your fecking Mother."
