BREAKING: Ivan Toney has apparently told his friends and family that his suspension won't start immediately and that he will be available for Brentford’s 2-2 draw with Fulham next Monday.
Another owldy . . . . My chinese flatmate phoned me while I was at work and asked, 'have you seen my cocaine?' I replied, 'Jeez i'm at work, why are you asking about that? he said 'I need to know have you seen my cocaine' I said 'well, the last time was ages ago when he was in Zulu'
Have you noticed how many F1 drivers have names linked to Scottish towns? Stirling Moss, Lewis Hamilton, Eddie Irvine... Ayr Town Centre...
"What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo" and underneath "One is really heavy.....and the other is a little lighter"
George wakes up in hospital after a serious operation. "I have good news and bad news," says the doctor. "The good news is that we managed to save your testicles." "Thank God," says George. "And what"s the bad news?" The doctor replies, "they"re in a bag under your pillow."