Off Topic Just for Mr RAWhite

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So your a makem, who likes to wind up our fans on a SAFC forum, WHY?.
What's the point. ?
Plenty on here think your just a tosser, I don't know you so, i cant say, but they seem sure.

 

Sorry we missed you.

Your parcel has been taken back to our sorting office because:

☐ You were in the shower
☐ You were pissing
✓ You fuc*ing blinked

 

During a sermon, the vicar hands around a donation plate.
One of the people attending, a gay man, pulls out a huge wad of twenty pound notes and places it on the plate.
When the plate is returned, the vicar sees the wad of notes, gasps and says, "can the kind person who donated such a generous amount please stand up?"
The gay man stands up. "You are very generous sir," says the vicar, "you may choose your three favourite hymns."
The gay bloke looks around, points and says, "I"ll have him, him and him."

 

A chap was sitting at a bar chatting to the landlord and said that he could identify a timber by its smell and feel. The landlord said, “No way” and after much discussion said to the punter, “OK, if you can do it, I’ll give you free beer for life”.
The punter took up the challenge and he was duly blindfolded.
He was taken to the landlord’s flat and at the first bit of timber, he correctly identified it as a mahogany table. At the next piece, he said that it was a pine dresser and the next, he said it was an oak bed frame and the next he said it was a willow cricket bat. By this time, the landlord was getting slightly worried that he might lose his bet and so returned to the bar, where he gave the barmaid a pencil and whispered something to her. She blushed and disappeared to the toilet, returning a couple of minutes later. The punter was duly given a piece of timber and he was obviously flummoxed, as he took quite a while before declaring –

“I’ve got it” he says, “It’s the bog door off a Grimsby trawler!!!”

 

I'm a Geordie you thick bastard. People dont like me on an internet forum? Devastated.

 

Eh !

 

An old golfer was hitting his ball from near a water hazard and his club fell into the water.
When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "Why are you crying?"
The golfer said that his club had fallen into the water and he needed the club to have a chance to win the tournament and supplement his meagre pension.
The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden club. "Is this your club?" he asked.
The golfer replied, "No"
The Lord again went down and came up with a silver club. "Is this your club?"
Again, the golfer replied, "No".
The Lord went down again and came up with an iron club. "Is this your club?"
The golfer replied, "Yes".
The Lord was pleased with the golfer's honesty and gave him all three clubs to keep, and the golfer went home happy.
Later, the golfer was walking with his wife along the water hazard, and she fell into the river.
When he cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked him, "Why are you crying?"
"Oh Lord, my woman has fallen into the water"
The Lord went down into the water and came up with Kate Upton. "Is this your woman?" he asked?
"Yes," cried the golfer. The Lord was furious. "You lied !"
The golfer replied, "Oh, forgive me Lord, for it is a misunderstanding. You see . . . . if I had said 'No' to Kate Upton, you would have come up with Jennifer Anniston, then if I said 'No' to her, you would have come up with my woman. Had I then said 'Yes,' you would have given me all three, and Lord, I am an old man not able to take care of all three women in a way that they deserve. That's why I said 'yes' to Kate Upton.
God was pleased.
The moral of this story is: If a golfer ever tells a lie, it is for a good and honourable reason and only out of consideration for others.