Jury Duty

thats a fair point magic. might just flip a coin on day 1 before i go in

 

I've decided to go with the if he looks guilty form of justace, if he has a full head of hair he's guilty, anything other than a white shirt and nornal tie with a normal knot in it he's guilty, leather jacket guilty, earing guilty and no facial hair he's guilty.

 

Thomas - take a 'Body Language For Beginners' book in with you & pretend to flick between pages everytime he answers a question & scoff quite loudly

 

if he doesnt make an effort and wear a suit etc i dont care how solid the defense is. do not pass go. do not collect £200.

 

boss doesnt seem too chuffed about it

 

if you want to get out of it just sit at the selection part murmuring " the chair, the chair , the chair...give em the chair "

 

To get out of it I would do the following

Turn up wearing suit trousers that are 4-5 inches short
Make sure your suit jacket is muddy and ripped
Do my tie in a normal knot
Don't wear socks and make a point of making sure everyone sees this
Tell them you were up for the same charge

 

There's a million ways to get out of it.

Ask if the defendant is a coon or paki.

Ask if Sharia Law was actual law in the uk now.

Ask if you can play your DS whilst listening to the trial, explain who you do this when watching Inspector Morse, Midsomer Murders etc & you still follow the plot & guess the guilty party.

Ask alot of questions about previous trials held at the court "Is this where Tobin was? THE Tobin?"

Ask if its a real trial or one of those judge Judy tv shows

 

what i'll actually ask is "how much can we claim on expenses?" and "are there any hot jurors?"

 

"I think we should sit boy, grl, boy, girl, boy, girl, boy, girl, boy, girl" say this whilst staring non stop, without blinking at the hottest juror

 

i think within 15 minutes of getting my citation through the post i'd created my hot juror **** fantasy

 

You could volunteer to be the guy who speaks for everyone - the foreskin of the jury