Paddy and Mick both went out and bought VW Beetles.. One day Mick was stopped on the side of the road with the bonnet up on his car while scratching his head.. Paddy came by and asked Mick what was wrong.. Mick said "I think I have located the problem" Paddy asked "what is that..??" Mick answered "I think I have lost my engine.." Paddy quickly answered back "That's OK I have a spare one in the back.."
A prison guard went into work one day, and was surprised to see one of his friends locked in a cell, and he asked him what he was doing behind bars. “Well, I was out doing my Christmas shopping one morning," he explained, "and then the police handcuffed me and brought me here because they said that I was getting it done too early.” “That doesn't sound so bad," said the guard. "I get my Christmas shopping done by the middle of November. How early did you do yours?” His friend replied, “About three hours before the shop opened."
I wasn’t that close to my father when he died… …which was just as well as he trod on a landline… …which I’d bought for my mother-in-law for Christmas.
