Three men, a Scouser, a Manc and a Rasta all in the maternity ward waiting for their partners to give birth. The midwife comes out and tells them congratulations, they're all fathers of beautiful healthy boys, however unfortunately they've run out of the name tags, and the babies have been mixed up, so if they could each go in and identify their sons from any family resemblance etc. The Manc wants to go first, so in he goes and comes out with a black baby. The Rasta looks a bit confused, "excuse me", he said, "but don't you think he's likely to be mine ?" "Probably", said the Manc, "but one of them in there's a scouser, and I'm takin' no chances !!!!!"
An Asian fellow has moved in next door. He has travelled the world, swum with sharks, wrestled bears and climbed the highest mountain. It came as no surprise to learn his name was Bindair Dundat.
Today's riddle for seniors...Here is the situation: You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed. On your right side is a sharp drop-off. On your left side is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you. Directly in front of you is a galloping kangaroo and your horse is unable to Overtake it. Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the kangaroo. What must you do to get out of this highly dangerous situation ? Get your drunken arse off the merry-go-round and go home!
A man takes his sick dog to the vets The vet takes them into a back room A Labrador comes in and sniff’s the dog for ten mins then leaves A cat the comes in and looks at the dog for ten mins then leaves Finally the vet gives him some medicine and gives him a £250 bill The man says there must be a mistake I’ve been here 20 mins and you charge me £250 No mistake says the vet £100 for the lab test £100 for the cat scan and £50 for the medication
a small balloon wakes up in the middle of the night and goes into it's parents room and climb in bed, it can't fit in the middle so he undoes his dad's knot to let a little air out....still not enough room so he does the same to his mam, the gap widens but is still to tight so he let's some air out of his own knot and manages to snuggle in..the dad wakes up and say's "what have we told you about staying in your own room,you're old enough now"..."you promised that you would."..."and most of all you have let me and your mother down, but worst you have let yourself down"
Three little boys were sitting in the porch, when one little boy says, "My Daddy smokes, and he can blow smoke rings." The second little boy says "My Dad smokes, too, and can blow smoke out of his eyes." The third little boy, not to be outdone, responds "My Dad can blow smoke out of his bum." "Really . . . . have you seen it ?" reply the other two. The third boy responds, "No, but I've seen the tobacco stains on his underwear"
Little known fact, Jesus Christ, was going to originally be called Saul, that is until when at the christening, Mary stubbed her toe.
