Off Topic This is the time I like to call the 'gentlemen' hour

Where had you hidden it in the end?

 

I got one of the serbians in the boot to swallow it.

 

That old chestnut.

 

Scary! Similar thing happened to me six or seven years ago. Flew back to Heathrow from Singapore and after clearing through passport control was met by two armed Police with machine guns and escorted into a side room. Third guy came in asked for my passport and left with it leaving me with these two machine gun totting coppers. Fifteen minutes later the third guy comes back hands me my passport and tells me I can go. No questions asked or anything ...

Guess there must be a devilishly handsome "up to no good" rogue out there who looks just like me ...?

 

Always keep a Serbian in your boot. Can't recommend it enough!

 

I would've had to change my trousers.

 

Crazy, at least my german lads weren't brandishing machine guns. Would love to know what they thought you managed to smuggle out of Singapore, they must have the strictest customs in the world. Is it still the death penalty for drugs/gold trafficking?

 

Was a bit worried I have to admit. Couldn't help thinking I might end up in an Egyptian torture cell before they realised their mistake ...

 

Yeah death penalty for drugs etc. Actually I was thinking it was more anti-terrorism or something like that. I'm figuring I look like somebody on the watch list and they just wanted to check my passport was genuine in case I was a wrong-un travelling on a false passport.

 

That'll teach you to wear your fishing balaclava on an aeroplane!

 

Funnily enough that is what they said

 

I have to say though, when watching programmes like 'Banged Up Abroad', I feel absolutely no sympathy for the people on it. Don't smuggle drugs in to/out of a developing country. It won't end well for you.

 

Felt bad for one young lad on there who had his girlfriend kidnapped and he was told she would die unless he did it. Turns out it was a set up all along; they tipped off the police and he was caught at the airport and imprisoned in South America for decades.

 

That's pretty bad. But the ones I normally see are people that admit they got very greedy and stupid and tried smuggling drugs out of a country they knew had ridiculously stupid prisons. I read a book about a guy that was in Bang Kwang Prison in Thailand. Not a place I'd like to go!

 

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good evening chaps I think this evenings subject matter will be disastrous dates

I'll kick it off I was a young lad of 16 and there was a girl I really liked at school,so weeks of plucking up the courage i finally asked her if she'd like to go to the pictures to watch flash Gordon.Imagine my joy and excitement when she said yes I was walking on air for days I felt 10 feet tall.Now take into account I'd had a thing for this lass for a good few years and thought she was way out of my league anyway the day arrived I'd had a bath put up a chemical smog of talc in the bathroom and used half a bottle of my dads high karate to the point I'd burnt my face looking like I'd been under a sun tan machine for too long.I had my best kecks on and walked out the house like John Travolta in Saturday night fever and was about half an hour early at the meeting point.****ting bricks wondering if she'd turn up it was the longest half hour of my life but good to her word she came round the corner looking like perfection itself,there was a awkward period before the bus came and off to Newcastle we went.The bus journey went well and we were laughing and carrying on the whole time even up past Marlborough crescent and round the corner to the ABC westgate road.In we walked and I said Two for flash Gordon please to which the woman said are you 18,now this sort of threw me a bit as I was sure flash Gordon was a 15 so I lied and said 'yeah' to which she retorted date of birth.Stood there with the girl of my dreams my face getting redder and redder (didn't think this was possible after the aftershave but it did) I spouted the first date out of my mouth which if I remember rightly would have made me 32 anyway this seemed to do the trick or so I thought but it was more likely her mate nudging her pointing to the lass I was with and feeling sorry for me so she gave me the two tickets and in we strolled.'what was that all about' said the lass no idea I replied and we took our seats,anticipation and expectation was now running through my body/mind would I get a kiss.would I cop a feel ****ing hell this is going to be great I thought smooching and fumbling in the back row wahey.Now call it youthful naivety but I didn't think anything could go wrong even the title I put down to a spelling mistake and I'm sure the queen music would be at the end as for the acting I knew there was no stars in it but it was pretty piss poor.as i sat there staring at my dream date I noticed her face went from angelic beauty to a look of horror 'what's wrong' I said and all she did was point at the screen as her mouth did a good impression of a goldfish opening and closing I turned my head and too my horror there was 2 blokes shagging a woman on the screen,now in them days it wasn't hardcore or nowt like that but you knew what they were doing make no mistake of that.I turned round to her to try and make a rapidly deteriorating situation better to see her stand up look at me and scream 'you ****ing pervert' and storm out,I chased after her past the two laughing ticket women and out onto the street but she was gone,my world crushed I stood there feeling sorry for myself next to the poster for Flesh Gordon.Now if this was today I'd have gone back in watched the film went home and had a bloody good **** but it wasn't so i slunk home and felt sorry for myself.Strangely I never had a girlfriend at school for the remaining 6 mths i was there and got some strange looks oh and if i had the misfortune of running into her I'd get the friendly welcome of Pervert........... aren't teenage years awkward.

anybody else had a disaster of a date with a lass

 

Well that was just hilarious.

 

wasn't at the time

 

I've had a few tbh, can't go into as much detail as you lol, but one of them I met her on Facebook (how romantic) and met up with her a few days later and when I saw her I realised that she wasn't what I expected. She was plasterd in make up, fake tan, fake everything. I know a lot of lads like this, but I though nooo, its minging and I was a bit of a tit and brought it up that I thought she looked a clip (I know I shouldn't) and it sort of ended right there until I met her on a night out down Durham about a year later and give her some fingers (was her birthday )

Another one I can think of is when I met up with a girl I knew from school, was a year or so after finishing school so we were more grown up and different. I always found her attractive and was surprised when she agreed to meet up with me. I had a total mind blank when we were in a restaurant and couldn't think of what to talk about - was disastorous from the word go! when we finished I apologised and she said it was fine, she is a really nice girl and didn't want to say she had a **** time. On the train back home I had a panic attack as the train stopped at our station and she got off without realising I hadn't got off. She never believed me when I told her I had a panic attack and ignored all my texts and everything

 

Haha, I bet. Still made great reading today!

 

<erm> Why?