Another owldy . . . . Queen Elizabeth and Dolly Parton die on the same day, and both go before an Angel to find out if they'll be admitted to Heaven. Unfortunately, there's only one space left that day, so the Angel must decide which of them gets in. The Angel asks Dolly if there's some particular reason why she should go to Heaven. Dolly takes off her top and says, "Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God ever created, and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity". The Angel thanks Dolly and asks Her Majesty the same question. The Queen takes a bottle of Perrier out of her purse, and drinks it down. Then, pees into a toilet and pulls the lever. The Angel says, "ok, your Majesty, you may go in". Dolly is outraged and asked,"What was that all about, I show you two of God's own perfect creations and you turn me down. She pees into a toilet and she gets in! Would you explain that to me"? "Sorry Dolly, says the Angel, but even in Heaven A Royal Flush Beats a Pair No Matter How Big They Are"
Save money this winter by pretending to be a Jehovahs Witness and sitting in other peoples warm homes drinking their tea and eating their Digestives while talking bollocks!!
I decided to go on an organised trip to Afghanistan, to see for myself what the place was like. It didn't start well as the train I was travelling on broke down just a few miles south of the station. I found myself stranded in a scary hell hole where no one around me spoke any English. The train and surrounding streets were full of Muslims, angry bearded types glared at me, all the local women were draped in black, head to toe, burqas. I was extremely scared and convinced that I was in deep trouble. Just then, Jim our Group Leader ushered us off the train and round the corner from Hounslow Station to the bus terminal, where I continued my journey safely to Heathrow Airport!
