A bloke walks into A & E with two black eyes, broken teeth and blood pouring from his nose. Doctor. “Oh my God, how did this happen?” Bloke. “ We’ll I was banging my neighbour over her kitchen table when we heard the front door open.” Doctor. “Then what happened?” Bloke. “Well then she shouts, “It’s my husband!! Quick try the back door.” “ Thinking back I probably should have ran but you don’t get an offer like that every day.”
My sexy Chinese neighbour told me she was looking for a roger. It was only when I had my trousers round my ankles...that I realised she wanted to rent her spare room out!
I phoned Babestation last night, the girl answered and said, "Hi, what would you like me to do for you babe?" I said, "****ing hide I,ve lost the remote and the wife is coming down the stairs!"
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him. Moral of the story: (1) Not everyone who ****s on you is your enemy. (2) Not everyone who gets you out of **** is your friend. (3) And when you're in deep ****, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
I pulled a cracking bird the other night and when we got back to hers she revealed that she was a virgin and wanted her first time to be magical, so I ****ed her then disappeared.
This isn't an owldy . . . . honest How many Mexicans does it take to change a light bulb ? Just Juan.
If you had to choose between your wife and winning the lottery... What kind of car would you buy 1st?
