"I can't believe our 4 year old son is already looking at porn online" I said to my wife when she checked the Internet history.
Her Majesty’s Royal Australian Navy is proud to announce its new fleet of Type 45 destroyers: Having initially named the first two ships HMAS Daring and HMAS Dauntless, the Naming Committee has, after intensive pressure from the United Nations renamed them HMAS Cautious and HMAS Prudence. The next five ships are to be HMAS Empathy, HMAS Circumspect, HMAS Nervous, HMAS Timorous and HMAS Apologist. Costing 180 million $ each, they comply with the very latest employment, equality, health and safety and human rights laws.The Navy fully expects any future enemy to be jolly decent and to comply with the same high standards of behaviour. The new user-friendly crow's nest has excellent wheelchair access. Live ammunition has been replaced with paint balls to reduce the risk of anyone getting hurt and to cut down on the number of compensation claims. Stress counsellors and lawyers will be on board, as will a full sympathetic industrial tribunal. The crew will be 50/50 men and women, and will contain the correct balance of race, gender,sexuality and disability. Sailors will only work a maximum of 36 hours per week as per Union Rules on Working Hours, even in wartime. All the vessels are equipped with a maternity ward, a creche and a gay disco.Tobacco will be banned throughout the ship, but recreational cannabis and cocaine will be allowed in wardrooms and messes. The Royal Australian Navy is eager to shed its traditional reputation for "Rum, sodomy and the lash" so the rum ration has gone, replaced by sparkling water. Sodomy remains, now extended to include all ratings under 18. The lash will still be available on request. Saluting of officers is now considered elitist and has been replaced by "Hello Sailor". All information on notice boards will be in 37 different languages and Braille. Crew members will now no longer have to ask permission to grow beards and/or moustaches. This applies equally to female crew. The Ministry of Defense is inviting suggestions for a "non-specific" flag because the White Ensign may offend minority's and the Union Jack must never be seen. The newly re-named HMAS Cautious will be commissioned shortly by Captain Mustafa Hook from the North shore Mosque who will break a petrol bomb over the hull. She will then slide gently into the sea as the Navy Band plays the Village People's "In the Navy". Her first deployment will be to escort boatloads of illegal immigrants to ports on Australia's Eastern coast. The Prime Minister said, "Our ships reflect the very latest in modern thinking and they will always be able to comply with any new legislation from the United Nations.
Where have you been for the past few days, Makemstein? It's HIS MAJESTY'S ROYAL AUSTRALIAN NAVY!! Still, I guess you only a Pongo, so................
diane abbot was asked recently about a situation in aleppo, she said that she was never a fan of the marx brothers
Not only that but we don't have type 45 ships, that's only the British Navy. Somebody went to some trouble to have a joke at the expense of our navy. I do believe however that HMS Duncan has been renamed HMS Deardrie
A hungry bloke walks into a seedy cafe in Glasgow....... He sits at the counter and notices a Jock with his arms folded staring blankly at a bowl of chilli. After fifteen minutes of just sitting there staring at it, the hungry bloke bravely asks, "If you aren't going to eat that, mind if I do?" The old Jock slowly turns his head toward the young bloke and says, "Nah, ye can gae ahead." Eagerly, the young bloke reaches over and slides the bowl over to his place and starts spooning it in with delight. He gets nearly down to the bottom and notices a dead mouse in the chilli. The sight was shocking and he immediately pukes up the chilli back into the bowl. The old Jock says:- "Aye, that's as far as I got too".
Australia have just had a general election. The main concern is about the number of illegal immigrants there are. Government sources suggest around 60,000. Aboriginal sources say it's more like twenty two and a half million of the bastards
pulled a cracking bird the other night and when we got back to hers she revealed she was a virgin and wanted her first time to be magical, so i ****ed her then disappeared
A bloke walks into A & E with two black eyes, broken teeth and blood pouring from his nose. Doctor. “Oh my God, how did this happen?” Bloke. “ We’ll I was banging my neighbour over her kitchen table when we heard the front door open.” Doctor. “Then what happened?” Bloke. “Well then she shouts, “It’s my husband!! Quick try the back door.” “ Thinking back I probably should have ran but you don’t get an offer like that every day.”
