The neighbour has those dogs, Maremma, they are bred to look after their flock. Just don't cross them or they will rip your arm off.
In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a beautiful young woman who was waiting for a bus was wearing a tight mini skirt. As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus. Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. Again, she tried to make the step only to discover she still couldn't. So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step, and, once again, much to her dismay, she could not raise her leg. With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind a third time to unzip a little more and again was unable to make the step. About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus. She went ballistic and turned to the would be Samaritan and yelled, "How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!" The Texan smiled and drawled, "Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we were friends!
Pope Francis was in Liverpool and was stopped by a woman in the Phoenix Park over the weekend , she begged him to help with her 19 year old son's hearing. He looked at the young man and walked towards him. He placed both hands over his ears, closed his eyes and said a beautiful prayer. The pope took his hands off the lads ears and smiled "how's your hearing now my son? " The lad replied " I haven't a clue I’m not in court until Tuesday”
Christmas day is like any other day for me, sitting at the table with a big fat bird who doesn't gobble anymore.
Man and wife are fast asleep in the middle of the night in their countryside cottage when they're woken by a knock at the door. The husband puts on his robe, goes downstairs and answers the door to stressed out, drenched from the rain, desperate-looking man. “I’m sorry to knock at such an hour but could you give me a push? I just can’t seem to get started” The husband looks outside and sees the lashing rain and replies: “sorry mate…it’s just too late…I’m in bed with my wife” and closes the door on the poor, soaking fellow. As he gets back in bed his wife asks “Who was it? What did they want?” “Oh…it was just some bloke who wanted a push…. I told him “no” His wife, disappointed in her husband, replied: “but…remember when we got stuck at night in the rain and couldn’t get anywhere and that man came and gave us a push?” Feeling slightly guilty the husband gets back out of bed, puts on his robe and says “you’re right…I’m going to see if he’s still there” and runs downstairs, opens the front door and shouts “MATE …MATE …. DO YOU STILL WANT THAT PUSH?” A distant voice replies “yes please” Husband: “WHERE ARE YOU?” Man: ”I’m over here on the swing!!”
