Jokes

A professor at Wayne State University in Detroit was giving a lecture on Paranormal Studies.
To get a feel for his audience, he asks, "How many people here believe in ghosts?"
About 90 students raise their hands.
"Well, that's a good start. Out of those who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?"
About 40 students raise their hands.
"That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?"
About 15 students raise their hand.
"Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?"
Three students raise their hands.
"That's fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further...Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?"
Way in the back, Ahmed raises his hand.
The professor takes off his glasses and says, "Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever
claimed to have made love to a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience."
The Middle Eastern muslim student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium.
When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, "So, Ahmed, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost?"

Ahmed replied, "S**t, from way back there I thought you said Goats."

 

Yep, had to give up his jobs as Prince of Wales and Duke of Cornwall.

 

They reckon they need to change all the bank notes now....except in the London coz they already have Charlie all over them.

 

Two four year olds were talking to each other in the doctor’s office.
The first one asked, “What are you in here for?” “Oh, I’m going to have my tonsils taken out.” “What about you? What are you in here for?”
“My mom says I’m going to be circumcised.”
“Oh, I wouldn’t do that if I were you. I had it done right after I was born and couldn’t walk for a year.”

 

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There was this man who walked into a bar and says to the bartender 10 shots of whiskey.

The bartender asks, "What's the matter?"

The man says, "I found out my brother is gay and marrying my best friend."

The next day the same man comes in and orders 12 shots of whiskey.

The bartender asks, "What's wrong this time?"

The man says, "I found out that my son is gay."

The next day the same man comes in the bar and orders 15 shots of whiskey.

Then the bartender asks, "Doesn't anyone in your family like women?"

The man looks up and says, "Apparently my wife does."

 

My girlfriend left a note on the fridge saying, "It's not working. I can't take it anymore. I am going to my mother's."

I opened the fridge. The light came on, the beer was cold.

What the hell is she talking about?

 

mad mary was whizzing around the mental hospital in her wheelchair when she was stopped by crazycarl.."licence please" he said, mary sped off and rounded the corner and bumped into loony leon.."insurance please".....mary sped off again and bumped into donkey dave stood there with a 9" hard one...."oh no said mary,not the breathalayszer again"

 

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