Off Topic Just for Mr RAWhite

I'll never forget the day I met my wife. We were at a fancy dress party. She was stood there, looking gorgeous and slim, with her fat mate.
They'd gone together, dressed as the number ten...
I knew there and then, she was the one!

 

My wife went on one of those speaking weight machines recently. She stood on it put 50p in and the machine screamed “Hold on hold on, one at a ****ing time!!”

 

We are relying on you to do a job on our scummy neighbours today, Sid

 

I’ll do my best lol.
In the pub now getting ready for it.
I rarely go to away matches now but hopefully I’ll be up at the SOL watching you giving us a good hiding next season.

 

I'll settle for more of the 1-0 hidings we had a habit of giving you !

 

I hate it when my finger goes through the bog roll.
Apart from that it's not all bad working in a care home.

 

I took out a loan to pay for an exorcism . . . . if I don't pay it back I'm going to get repossessed !

 

What do colour blind people do when they're told to eat their greens ?

 

Tesco are tackling the cost of living crisis with a new campaign.

They're replacing all the staff with lower paid dwarfs and a new slogan ...

... 'Every little Elfs'.

 

I was at the doctors yesterday about my weight
He said don’t eat anything fatty
I said like chips pies cakes and sweets
He said no don’t eat anything fatty

 

Ffs

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Edit:. There's a swear word at the start for those at work or around kids.