Off Topic Just for Mr RAWhite

It was that rough were I grew up I was walking to school one morning n a voice said ow Gil ya fat ugly b*stard u wanna fight. No I said pick on sum 1 else vicar.

 

Had a blazing row with the Mrs regarding spicing up our sex life I just said why don't you shave your ****......woke up this morning bald

 

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Disappointed by the Commonwealth Games coverage on TV. The guide says "55kg women's snatch", but it's just showing weightlifting!

 

When a group of tourists visited a crocodile farm, the owner of the place launched a daring proposal;
-Whoever dares to jump, swim to shore and survive, I will give 1 million dollars.

Nobody dared to move, suddenly a man jumped into the water and desperately swam towards the shore while he was chased by all the crocodiles.

With great luck he arrived, taking the admiration of everyone in the place, then the owner announced;
-We have a brave winner.

After collecting their reward, the couple returned to the hotel, upon arrival, the manager told him; he was very brave to jump, then the man said;
-I didn't jump, someone pushed me!

His wife smiled ...

Moral: "Behind every successful man, there is a woman who pushes him."

 

Another owldy . . . .

 

Hmm . . . .

 

I Shagged a woman wearing a burka last night. It was brilliant I really, really enjoyed it! but she said next time she wants to see more than just my eyes.

 

The wife's been saving all year; as much overtime as possible, doing odd jobs for elderly neighbours, selling stuff on ebay, the occasional boot sale - so we can have the holiday of a lifetime in the Maldives.
I don't know how I'm going to tell her I spent it putting petrol in my car to drive to a shop for a tub of Lurpak spreadable.