I'm not being paranoid, but there are 5 Peruvian owls standing on my fence, watching me through the kitchen window. I'm sure that they're Inca hoots !
As my flatmate, Paddy, headed towards the front door this morning, I said to him "Where the f*ck are you going dressed like that ?" "To Dave's fancy dress party" he replied. "I'm a tortoise." I said, "His party is not until tomorrow night !" He said "I know, but I'm a tortoise."
Two young lads walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout. The pharmacist at the counter asked the older boy 'How old are you, son ?' 'Eight' the boy replied. The man continued 'Do you know what these are used for ?' The boy replied 'Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him. He's my brother, and he's four." "Oh, really" the pharmacist replied with a grin. "Yes." the boy said. "We saw on TV that if you use these, you would be able to swim, play tennis and ride a bike. At the moment he can't do any of those."
Don't usually put my private life on here but while many complain about life in general and the cost of living etc, I am sitting on a sofa that costs £3,500, lovely and cool in front of an air-con unit costing £2,300, watching the latest film on a 70" smart TV that costs £4,000 Right now, I'm happy, with no worries and not a care in the world, not even the employees at the shopping centre who keep asking me to leave can spoil my day........
WARNING. This guy was supposed to buy our washer dryer for £150. He wanted to see it working first, and asked if he could do a load of laundry. After he finished, he said "let me go and get the money", got in his car, and drove away with his clean clothes. We've not seen him since
Came across this on Facebook. Highlights the ****e that local refs have to put up with but also made me laugh.
