Sol Campbell 'cheated out of £1,500,000 by tenant renting his Chelsea mansion' (msn.com) Couldn't have happened to a nicer bloke... R-Sol
Bought Mrs Jab a Fenton turntable for her birthday. Hooked up speakers which were a big improvement. It has Bluetooth aux and USB connections now to find a CD player and rebuild my vinyl collection. Oh Mrs J more than happy with a 5 album ABBA box set. I'll be on the lookout for old soul classics and more. Just had a thought, I can connect my lappy with Bluetooth and play my CDs, now to find the box.
My wife told me that I act like a clown It was so unexpected and upsetting I stopped juggling and almost fell off my unicycle.
A blind man walks into a bar, gets a drink and sits down. He then shouts out "Hey, barman do you want to hear a blonde joke?" The place falls silent. The woman sitting next to him leans over and says "before you tell your joke, there's something you should know. The barman is blonde, the bouncer is blonde and I am a 6ft blonde with a black belt in karate. What's more, the guy sitting next to me is blonde and he's a weightlifter. The woman sitting to your right is also blonde and she's a professional wrestler. Think about it seriously, do you still want to tell your blonde joke?" The blindman says "never mind, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
A woman with blonde hair a woman with brown hair and a woman with ginger hair all go for a job interview to become a rich businessmans secretary which one got the job? It was the one with the biggest boobs
Yeah, I’m really looking forward to a totally unnecessary four days of calling parents because they’ve sent their kids to school without hats and water. Monday afternoon will definitely be spent convincing parents to come pick up their burnt or heatstroked children.
An Englishman, a German and a Frenchman are all in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of booze when, all of a sudden, Saudi police rush in and arrest them. The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offence in Saudi Arabia, so for the terrible crime of actually being caught consuming the booze, they are all sentenced to death! However, after many months and with the help of very good lawyers, they were able to successfully appeal their sentences down to life imprisonment. By a stroke of luck, it was a Saudi national holiday the day their trial finished, and the extremely benevolent Sheikh decided they could be released after receiving just 20 lashes each of the whip. As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheikh announced: "It's my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping. The German was first in line, he thought for a while and then said: "Please tie a pillow to my back. This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through. When the punishment was done the German had to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain. The Frenchman was next up. After watching the German in horror he said smugly: "Please fix two pillows to my back." But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes before the whip went through again and the Frenchman was soon led away whimpering loudly. The Englishman was the last one up, but before he could say anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said: "You are from a most beautiful part of the world and your culture is one of the finest in the world. For this, you may have two wishes!" “Thank you, your Most Royal and Merciful highness," the Englishman replied. "In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes." “Not only are you an honorable, handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave," the Sheikh said with an admiring look on his face. "If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it. And your second wish, what is it to be?" the Sheikh asked. The Englishman smiled and said, "Tie the Frenchman to my back."
Final tally from a miserable two days at work. Kids sent in by parents without hats and/or water: 14 Kids sent home experiencing vomiting or other heat-related illness: 7 Kids coming in wearing jumpers/cardigans: 23 Transition morning: Cancelled Leavers assembly: Cancelled Staff meetings: Still ****ing going! My carpet is ruined with sick and I will never get the smell of sweaty children and vomit out of my nose. I need a joint and a holiday. Take me to thine plug. Two days to go!
