Scenes we'd like to see

Inspired by a post I saw on a rival forum (sorry) suggesting rules should be changed to allow players to celebrate with members of their family. This was triggered by that kid at Wycombe getting booked for celebrating his first ever pro goal with his family at the weekend. I thought this a harmless change but I would advise exluding the Stadium of Plight as they're all one big happy family down there and it would take a while to get the game restarted. Anyway, what rules would you like to see introduced into football? I'll start things off with some for our hosts this evening and any others I can think of.

- All throw ins awarded to Stoke are to be given as a free kick on the touchline instead. Considering none of them can actually kick a ball, it may even things up a bit.

- Commentators are banned from saying that Peter Crouch has a good touch for a big man.

- All highlights of games involving Danny ****tu are to be shown after the watershed.

- All tackles on El Hadji Diouf are exempt from punishment.

 

The offside rule needs to be changed back because no one with average intelligence seems to understand it, which is about 99% of all footballers.

 

Steve Bruce should not be sacked as Sunderland boss.

 

- All tackles on Carroll should be exempt from punishment.

- Points deduction for every hoof ball Stoke play.

 

And 99% of football fans too if you believe the media/government

 

Graham Taylor will have 1000 volts fired into his testicles whenever he says:

"At the end of the day"

 

They must think we're as thick as the footballers the way they go on. It's not hard to understand at all.

 

- Harry Redknapp can only be referred to as ' Melty Face'

- Peter Crouch has to play football on his knees as it gives Stoke an unfair advantage

- Keepers should play pissed, this will make football more interesting

 

He's doing an excellent job.

 

The Mackems fail to realise this.

 

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Come on old boy! Tally ho there! Kick the ball!

 

Ungrateful mugs.

 

Come along you Chelham Arse Spurs.

 

when suarez dives every member of the opposing team get's to kick him.

 

Surely that was a forward pass what what.

 

- Harry Redknapp should NOT be the England manager. Any pundit/presenter mug who says it should be sent away with Somali pirates.

 

I think this is my favourite.

 

We should just allow refs to act as rogue agents on the field. As administers of the law, they are exempt from it, kind of like police. This way everyone sees which way their allegiance lies. Webb looks like a 40 a season ref to me to be honest.
If this idea goes wrong, P.E teachers from local schools should be given premier league games to ref, as many are marked by their fairness.
As a back-up to this idea, should a few ballboys/girls come forward, we may launch a campaign to kick *****s out of football and immediately install robots from Japan to referee the games.
In the case of terminator/skynet like rebellion, or simple confusion caused by Japanese speaking robots, we must create a large satellite capable of destroying robot aramgeddon with big pointy lasers and missiles.
As a fail-safe, just because of the probability of such a device being turned against us by the now sexual aggressive Japanese robots, we must build a bigger satellite above that one, with even bigger and pointer lasers and missiles...
To saefguard against that being overtaken, we must install a much much larger satellite above those two, with tractor-beam, lasers and missiles.
Should things go ary, it'd be prudent to build some form of "death-star", with tractor-beam, lasers, missiles, tie-fighters, and install a strong galactic overlord with leprocy and a breathy, black-clad assistant to the strong galactic overlord to manage proceedings. I mean a democracy is unlikely to come to war so quickly when needed.
Incase these two figures become all powerful, we must creat some form of inter-federation organisation to make sure we can organise some form of resistance...
Oh god! What happens if these leaders infiltrate our organisation...? We must surely create a secret army of clones! Mwahahaha
Nooo... What if the clones are simply a device for the downfall of our new order and our controllable by our new tyrant? We must go into hiding and wait a couple of films for a new character to hail as the chosen one and charge with overthrowing the oppressive regime we established some time ago...

That esculated quite quickly... Let's just stick with things as they are for the moment...

 

Fiver for anyone who actually reads that.

 

Raise that to a Tenna because i doubt anyone will, and if you do, you're pathetic, ****ing pathetic!