Off Topic Just for Mr RAWhite

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But not those that hit her with it.

 

Artist's impression of the new roof on SJP.

 

I'm not allowed to fill the tank in my car unless I phone the insurance company and inform them the car has doubled in value

 

Ex prime minister Theresa may was so bad at negotiation she is the only person who paid full price for a sofa at dfs

 

A magician worked on a cruise ship. The audience was different each week, so the magician did the same tricks over and over again.
There was one problem. The captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick. Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle of the show "Look, it's not the same hat!" or, "Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table," or "Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?"
The magician was furious, but couldn't do anything. It was, after all, the captain's parrot. Then the ship sank. The magician found himself on a piece of wood in the middle of the sea with, as fate would have it, the parrot.
They stared at each other with hatred, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day and then another and then another.
Finally on the fourth day, the parrot could not hold back and said,
"OK, I give up. Where's the bloody ship?"

 

And here lies the problem with the British workers. We have accepted falling standards while the rich are raking it in. The wealthiest 10 percent have increased their wealth by 220 percent since austerity measures introduced.

 

Phillip Schofield pulled a fast one extending his TV career by coming out as gay. Ali Lineker has gone one better by coming out as a black man...

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I've just started a job at an optician’s, so my jokes will become even cornea