overheard a conversation in the club last night, some guy said gary glitter was shagging 85 year old's, i said "no way he never did octogenarians" he replied "no you deaf ****, i said Haiti 5 year old's"
Too ****in well Right you ****ing reprobates I've got to get ready for my party at the Irish centre, got to limber up for my riverdance spot, they don't call me Michael Flatulence for **** all, see you all later
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A guy walks into a bar and said to the barman: for a free beer I can show you something amazing" So the barman agrees and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a miniature concert pianist only 10 inches tall and sets him on the nearby piano. The pianist plays beautifully. The bartender is wowed and says: "that's amazing where did you find that little man?" The man says I've got a tiny wizard in my other pocket and for a second beer I'll let you make a wish. The barman agrees and says "Wizard, I wish for a 100,000 bucks" Suddenly the bar is filled with 100,000 ducks. The barman, now angry shouts "what the hell mate I didn't want ducks". The man replies: "Oh and you think i wished for a 10" pianist ?"
Three ladies are playing the 4th hole at a members-only golf club, when a naked man, wearing a bag over his head, jumps from the trees and runs across the green. The 3 ladies look and are in shock at the size of his manhood. The first lady says, "Well he definitely is not my husband." The second lady looks at his manhood and says, "He for sure is not my husband." The third lady takes a good look and says, "He's not even a member of this club!"
A guy walked into a crowded bar, waving his 1945 Colt pistol and yelled, "I have a .45 Colt with an eight shot clip and I want to know who's been screwing my wife?" A voice from the back of the room called out... "You'll need more ammo!
They had a contest the other day at the Senior Citizens Centre. I lost by one point. The question was, where do women mostly have curly hair? Apparently, the correct answer was Fiji.
A rugby league fan is drinking in a Yorkshire bar, when he gets a call on his mobile phone. He hangs up, grinning from ear to ear, and orders a round of drinks for everybody in the bar, announcing his wife has just given birth to a typical Yorkshire baby boy weighing 25 pounds. Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but the rugby fan just shrugs and replies, 'That's about average in Yorkshire ... like I said, my boy's a typical Yorkshire baby boy. Gonna be a rugby league player.' Congratulations showered him from all around, amid many exclamations of 'WOW!' One woman actually fainted due to sympathy pains. Two weeks later, he returns to the bar. The bartender says, Say, aren't you the father of that typical Yorkshire baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth? Everybody's been making bets about how big he'd be in two weeks. So, how much does he weigh now?' The proud father answers, 'Twenty pounds.' The bartender is puzzled, concerned and a little suspicious. 'What happened? He already weighed 25 pounds the day he was born!' The Yorkshireman takes a slow swig of his Samuel Smith's, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender and proudly says, 'Had him circumcised..
