Off Topic Just for Mr RAWhite

What was?
Get it back on man, we like a bit of drama!

 

Did it just to get a response. I will stick it back on.

 

After repairing his road in Essex, Rod Stewart has branched out and is offering a garden lawn care service. He came round after I asked for a quote and he said said, 'any lawn, any size, £10. Subsequent visits will be more expensive.'
I asked why so little for the initial visit?
He said, 'The first cut is the cheapest!'

 

Gordon! Ban him!

 

My wife hates it when I say, "You're just like your mother!"
Actually, she hates it when I say anything during sex!

 

I had a dream last night that I was getting a blowjob from the blonde one from ABBA...
I only woke up because his beard was tickling my balls!

 

Diane Abbott goes to the doctors and says;"Dr, I need your help. I'm 68 years old and I can't count".
Dr says; "What I'm going to need you to do is strip naked and squat in the corner over there".
She does so and he then instructs her to move to another corner and do the same, then to by the wall next to his university degree and then to by the window.
She says, "Dr, how is this going to help me with my counting"?
He says, "It won't, there's **** all I can do. But I've just ordered a new black leather armchair and I'm wondering where it will look best".

 

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Paddy and Mick are at a job interview for a labourer by a builder,
Paddy goes first and is asked, "If you lost an eye, what would you be?"
He answers, "Half blind."
Then he was asked, "What would you be if you lost both eyes?"
He answers, "Blind."...
Builder says, "Great, you got the job - send Mick in."
Mick over heard the interview and thinks, "Great, I'll just give the same answers."
The builder asks, "If you lost an ear, what would you be?"
Mick says, "Half blind."
Then was asked, "What about if you lost both ears?"
Mick says, "Blind."
The builder, a bit puzzled, asked, "How would that be?"
Mick says, "My hat would slip down!!..

 

I was diagnosed today by my doctor, who seems to be obsessed with Tina Turner . . . . she said “you’re simply depressed”

 

CHELSEA NEWS LATEST:-
"It is with deep regret that Chelsea Football Club has been left with no choice but to make redundant 5 referees and 8 VAR officials with immediate effect. The club thanks them for all their hard work and wishes them well in their future careers."

 

The man who invented the knock knock joke won the no bell prize today.

 

Nicked for facey

 

That’s where I got it from.