Flying to Bologna and hotel there as a base. Meetings mainly, although one of the vendors I was going to see has just text to say they have had a COVID outbreak amongst staff members so it’s unlikely I will get to see them.
Used to know a guy, was like a friend of a friend. Bumped into him once at this little shopping centre, asked him what he was up to. He said “I’m so bored was just going to lob myself in front of a train”. I thought he was joking so laughed and said let’s just go for a spliff, so we did and was all good. Found out that about a week later he had chucked himself off a bridge and died so maybe he wasn’t joking that day after all. Didn’t leave a note or anything and still to this day a decade later nobody has a clue what was the cause of it. He was 18 so **** knows what could’ve been so bad to make him do that.
It's ****ing **** innit. I've known a couple of others who've taken their lives, and they have talked about it before, but always seemed to rally round. But you always think, its there something else I could have said or done ? But my friend Dave who shot himself always came across as the guy who had everything and was on top of the world. It literally came out of the blue. Us blokes are notorious for bottling things up until they explode, when we just need to find an avenue to talk. I did 16 years in the NHS down here in mental health so this issue is something I faced more times than I'd wished in my professional life, but when it's somebody you know personally, it takes on a whole different dimension.
His situation wasn't too dissimilar to yours tbh. Though everyone had thought he'd turned a corner in the weeks prior. Just ****ing ridiculous. The ****'s gonna have over 100 people turn up today yet he couldn't reach out to any of them.
I'm sorry to hear this, mate. My heart goes out to you all but especially to your pal. In his head he'll have been thinking he'd have been burdening people by opening up and talking. He was probably also thinking the world would genuinely be better off without him. His mind controlled his actions. That's nobodies fault and no other outcome could have happened. Don't get angry with him, an illness killed him, ultimately.
I’ve got a lot of mates but six months ago it felt like I didn’t have any. Just the way it is when you’re that far into your own head. It’s an illness. You can sometimes drag yourself to do the right thing to help but other days you just can’t.
Yeah I know mate. I do understand all of that and have been there myself. I'm intelligent enough to know it's not his fault really but it's emotion init and just part of the process. Just having a pint to help the nerves.
So that was ****ing awful. Never thought I'd have to watch a 7 year old girl say some words for her dad at a funeral. Just did 20mg of valium which hopefully keeps me relatively straight headed for the rest of the evening.
