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The barnsley joke page

Discussion in 'Barnsley' started by kiwiqpr, Mar 25, 2014.

  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it....
    Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!
    A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.
    I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
    Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.
    England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
    I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.
    They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.
    I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.
    Jokes about German sausages are the wurst.
    I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.
    I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.
    This girl said she recognised me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.
    When chemists die, apparently they barium.
    I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.
    I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
    I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
    Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?
    When you get a bladder infection you know urine trouble.
    Broken pencils are pretty much pointless.
    What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
    I dropped out of the Communism class because of lousy Marx.
    I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
    Velcro - what a rip off!
     
    #11661
  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #11662
    Makemstine Roger and San Diego like this.
  3. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #11664
  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Yes, I'm looking for the Sue Gray report, do you have a copy?

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    #11665
    Makemstine Roger and San Diego like this.
  6. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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  7. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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  8. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Paddy pulls along side a Lorry and shouts, "Oi mate, you're losing your load!" The driver replies, "Fek off!" 5 miles further along, Paddy again shouts, "Oi, you're losing your load!" The driver then again replies, Feck off!" 5 miles further along, Paddy yells, "I'm not joking, you're losing your load!"

    The driver then shouts, "Will you Feck off you thick twit, I'm gritting!"
     
    #11669
  10. Didley Squat

    Didley Squat Well-Known Member

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    Don’t give up your day job.
     
    #11670

  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #11671
    San Diego and Makemstine Roger like this.
  12. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
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    I bet that the YMCA dance is a lot harder to do in Chinese.
     
    #11672
  13. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
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    #11673
    Wooperts_duck and San Diego like this.
  14. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
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    #11674
    San Diego likes this.
  15. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
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    #11675
    Taffvalerowdy and San Diego like this.
  16. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
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    #11676
    Taffvalerowdy and San Diego like this.
  17. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
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    #11677
  18. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    A woman was nagging her husband to cut the grass, to which the husband answered, "What do I look like to you? A landscaper?!" Next time the sink was dripping, she asked him again, "Honey, can you fix the faucet?" The husband replied, "What do I look like to you? A Plumber?!" Two days later, a light bulb went out and she begged him again, "Honey, can you change the light bulb?" His reply was, "What am I? An electrician?!" A few days later, the husband comes home from work to find that the lawn is cut, the faucet is fixed, the light bulb is changed. Very surprised, he says, "Honey, what happened here?" The wife replies, "You know our new next door neighbor? He came over and fixed everything." The husband says, "Honey, how did you pay him?!" "Oh, you know," the wife says, "he told me that I could either bake him a cake or have sex with him." Somewhat relieved the husband asks, "Whew, so what kind of a cake did you bake for him?" The wife replies, "Who do you think I am? NIGELLA LAWSON?!"
     
    #11679
    San Diego and Gordon Armstrong like this.
  20. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
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    Maybe this is what some of us should have done :angel: IMG-20220203-WA0002.jpg
     
    #11680
    Wooperts_duck and San Diego like this.

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