Off Topic The 2023 big fat thread of Christmas

Done all the milk and cookies **** with nipper and put him to bed. Just poured my first rum of Christmas.

Just gotta make sure I don't fall asleep before him now lol.

 

Just wait for that moment when you tell him santa is not real.
I did that to my son.
Not sure he believed me. That was until I told him exactly what we had bought for him this year.

 

I alternate with his mum so will probably only get one more of it. He's 7 now so this will be the last proper one I reckon.

 

I’d just tell him, mate. Better to hear it from you. Preferably tomorrow morning.

 

You're a ****. Clearly a **** who had no kids.
You have to wait.

 

I found out when I was 6/7 I think. I was opening some present and handed it to my Nan to have a look and she just said straight to my mum “that’s nice where did you get that”. Told everyone at my school first day back after the Christmas holidays, Christmas ruined for everyone thanks to one sentence.

 

And your point is?

 

I know I’m a **** but chances are I do have kids somewhere.

 

That a 7 year old should already know Santa isn’t real. Libby’s kid clearly humouring him

 

You say in Libby is a ****?

 

You think so?

 

Had some absolute filth swiftly blocked on Plenty of Fish back in the day but hopefully not.

 

You ****ed a haddock?

 

Most of it smelled like haddock.

 

Probably. I'm quite good at covering tracks but he already notices that some things don't add up. His mum will probably **** kt up next year.

Think I was 8 when I found out. Sister two years older than me told me as soon as she had worked it out.

 

Watching Love Actually with a shisha. Had a lovely kip during the last film.

 

Your cock?

 

We say smelt up north...particularly in Grimsby as it happens.

 

Odd as fuk. Care to explain in the morning?

 

That's a Google ****. Smelled smelly smelly fuk ****, Google won't even do smellt