I thought that I'd spend a couple of hours just pottering in the garden doing a bit of winter tidying, then my wife came back from the Garden Centre with a great big ornamental timepiece, which she's gone and stuck in the middle of the garden. Now I’m having to work around the clock.
The downside of being a bomb disposal technician? It takes me six hours to open my Christmas presents.
2 women are on a bridge. One says to the other she needed a p*ss. The other says p*ss over the side. So she hops on the wall knickers down and just crouches there. Her mate says what are you waiting for. She says there's a canoe in the way. Her mate says that's not a canoe it's a reflection.
The others you mention yes but unless I have missed something I never found this Jethro bloke funny at all.
Three nuns all get written off in a car smash. The all knock on the Pearly Gates. St. Peter takes one look at them: "You can't judge a book by it's cover. I'll ask you one question each. If you answer correctly you can come in. If you answer incorrectly, you stoke coal for the rest of your days." Up steps the first nun. "Who was the first man on earth?" "Adam?" She ventures, uncertainly. "You have answered correctly - welcome to Paradise." Up steps the second nun. "Who was the first woman on earth?" "Was it Eve?" "Welcome to your eternal home. Please step forward." Finally, Mother Superior steps forward, all confident. "Mother Superior, think carefully. Here is your question: "What was the first thing Eve said to Adam?" Mother Superior goes as white as a ghost. After three hours, St. Peter looks at her sternly. "Well?" "That's a hard one." "Brilliant! Come on in!"