A bloke and his wife where playing golf and just as he was lining up a putt he paused and said, "you know . . . . the moment that I met you I knew that we were made for each other. We both like the finer things in life, neither of us wanted kids, and we both love golf. I have a confession to make, though . . . . the stag do that I went on last year I had sex with one of the prostitutes" "I knew that you might do" she replied . . . . that's what men get up to when they are away. Whilst you are confessing, though, I may as well come clean and tell you that I used to be a man" "You ****ing what" he replied "Yes . . . . I had gender reassignment surgery before I met you" "You ****" he screamed "five years . . . . five ****ing years you've been playing off the women's tees"
A blond and a brunette driving along. The brunette says "Christmas is on a Friday this year". "Oh", says the blond, "I hope it's not the thirteenth"'
Since splitting up with my girlfriend, I've been feeling pretty lonely at times. Last night it came to a head, lying naked and horny in bed I did something I haven't needed to do for quite a long time. I rolled over and cuddled the wife!
I silently farted in bed last night and slowly lifted up the quilt. After a few seconds my wife shouted, "Bloody hell you dirty b*stard, that stinks!" It must of been pretty bad. She was downstairs at the time!
Women eh! Caught in the feel good Xmas factor and doubled my spending budget for a pressie. Gave her £20 and told her just to bring me the change. She's still moaning about it. I just dont know what she expects.
