Off Topic Just for Mr RAWhite

This could go in the Dr Strangelove thread or the new restrictions thread but I'll hoy it in here...

 

An 83-year-old gent arrived in Paris by plane. As he fumbled in his bag for his passport an obnoxious French immigration officer asked if he had been to France before, he admitted that he had indeed been previously. The officer somewhat typically and sarcastically said that he should have known that he should have his passport ready for presentation at immigration. The gent said “but I didn’t have to show it the last time!” Impossible, replied the French immigration officer, you British have always had to show your passports to enter France. The old man replied "well when I came across the beach on 'D Day‘ in 1944 I couldn’t find any ****ing Frenchmen to show it to!"

 

Fred came home from University in tears.

“Mum, am I adopted?”

“No of course not,” replied his mother. “Why would you think such a thing?”

Fred showed her his genealogy DNA test results. No match for any of his relatives, and strong matches for a family who lived the other side of the city.

Perturbed, his mother called her husband. “Honey, Fred has done a DNA test, and… and… I don’t know how to say this… he may not be our son.”

“Well, obviously!” he replied.

“What do you mean?”

“It was your idea in the first place” her husband continued.

“You remember, that first night in hospital when the baby did nothing but scream and cry and scream and cry. On and on, and you asked me to change him.”

“I picked a good one, I reckon. I'm ever so proud of Fred.”

 

Does anyone know where Sumo wrestlers get their gear from? The wife wants a new thong for Christmas

 

After my wife had spent most the day with a face like thunder, I couldn't hold out any longer.
"Seriously love," I laughed, "Did you honestly think I'd forget your birthday?"
"You b*stard," she replied, trying not to smile, "You had me fooled."
"Of course I didn't forget....I did however, choose not to give a f*ck."

 

I think it's Fat Face mate.

 

Think about it . . . .

 

Lot of young uns wouldn't even know what that means now.
It's still there but always called something else now.
Finance, credit, pcp..... just fancy names for H.P.

 

Love this...there's so many classic lines in OFAH it's easy to miss them.
Probably the best written comedy series, ever.

Del: " You said it was open 24 hours a day Trig"
Trigger: "Yeah, but not at night"

 

There's a picture like that my dad took on holiday when I was about 4.
Me and me mam are out of shot at the back and the woman driving the train is clear to see at the front with big tits


I'll have to find it

 

Hurry up

 

Bang on