Jokes

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Poly said:
LOL

Like in the services, securing a house

Tell it to a sailor and he walks round it, checking all the doors are locked and "shaking hands" with any padlocks
Tell it to an airman and he takes a 12 month lease on the building
Tell it to a paratrooper and he kicks in the door and kills everyone inside.
Click to expand...
Tell it to a woketard and those who cannot escape get bored to death with CRT and Bidenitis
 
A farmer ordered a high-tech milking machine.
Since the equipment arrived when his wife was out of town, he decided totest it on himself first.
So, he inserted his 'manhood' into the equipment, turned on the switch and everything else was automatic.
Soon, he realized that the equipment provided him with much more pleasure than his wife did. When the fun was over, though, he quickly realized that he couldn't remove the instrument from his 'member'.
He read the manual but didn't find any useful information on how to disengage himself. He tried every button on the instrument, but still without success.
Finally, he decided to call the supplier's Customer Service Hot Line with his mobile phone (Thank god for mobile phones!).
'Hello, I just bought a milking machine from your company. It works
fantastic, but how do I remove it from the cow's udder?'
'Don't worry,' replied the customer service rep, 'The machine will release automatically once it's collected two gallons.'
 
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A Muslim immigrant goes to a Doctor and says "I feel terrible".

The Doctor examines him and then says -”You need to pee and crap in a bucket for a week,
throw in a dead fish and a rotting cabbage. Put a towel over your head
and inhale the vapours for 3 days".

The man does this and goes back to the Doctor and says "I feel
wonderful!! What was wrong with me?"

"You were homesick".
 
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Makemstine Roger said:
A Muslim immigrant goes to a Doctor and says "I feel terrible".

The Doctor examines him and then says -”You need to pee and crap in a bucket for a week,
throw in a dead fish and a rotting cabbage. Put a towel over your head
and inhale the vapours for 3 days".

The man does this and goes back to the Doctor and says "I feel
wonderful!! What was wrong with me?"

"You were homesick".
Click to expand...
Are you trying to get back in God's good book? This will help. Love it. :emoticon-0148-yes:
 
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Makemstine Roger said:
A Muslim immigrant goes to a Doctor and says "I feel terrible".

The Doctor examines him and then says -”You need to pee and crap in a bucket for a week,
throw in a dead fish and a rotting cabbage. Put a towel over your head
and inhale the vapours for 3 days".

The man does this and goes back to the Doctor and says "I feel
wonderful!! What was wrong with me?"

"You were homesick".
Click to expand...
You bastard, Makemstein. I stole this and posted it on another site, boy has it stirred up a hornet's nest. I won't be able to show my face in the UK again, if I do there will be enough snowflakes after me it will be a blizzard. Good fun, eh? <laugh><laugh><laugh><laugh><laugh> I even modified it so as not identify the origin of the patient but the wokey bastards saw through it, I guess they were looking to be offended.
 
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My favourite time of day is without doubt 11.59.59 a.m......for me it's second to noon
 
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