A cowboy went into an ice cream parlour and said I'd like a 99 please with everything on it. The lady behind the counter said Would you like your nuts crushed? The cowboy replied Do you want your tits blown off?
The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by a hostile Indian war party. The chief said So you are the great lone ranger. In honour of the great buffalo hunt you will be killed in three days but we will grant you one request each day. What is you request today? The lone ranger said I'd like to talk to my horse silver. Silver is brought over to the lone ranger and lone ranger whispers into his ear. Silver gallops off and a few hours later comes back with a very beautiful blonde who spends the night in the lone rangers tent. The following day the chief was very impressed but said you are still gong be killed in two days so what is your next request? Again the lone ranger said I'd like to speak to my horse and whispers into his ear and again silver gallops off. A few hours later he came back with a beautiful brunette even more beautiful than the blonde and she also spends the night in the lone rangers tent. The following day the chief again was very impressed but said you are still going to be killed tomorrow what is your last request? Again the lone ranger said I would like to speak to my horse. The lone ranger grabs both of silvers ears and whispers listen very carefully bring posse.
A shark can swim faster than me, but I can run faster than a shark… So in a triathlon, it would all come down to who is the better cyclist.
Thieves have stolen 20 crates of Red Bull from my local shop... I don't know how these people sleep at night.
A photon checks into a hotel. “Do you have any luggage?” the receptionist asks. Photon replies, “No, I’m travelling light”.
Anyone know of any local (ish) firework displays tonight? Had a quick Google and closest I can find is Petersfield. Not having one in Winchester this year it seems.
