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Off Topic Jokes thread

Discussion in 'Portsmouth' started by devonFRATTONiser, Jan 25, 2015.

  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #20521
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  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #20522
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  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #20523
  4. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #20524
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  5. antipodean exile

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    #20525
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  6. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #20526
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  7. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #20527
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  8. antipodean exile

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    #20528
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  9. antipodean exile

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    #20529
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  10. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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  11. antipodean exile

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  12. antipodean exile

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  13. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    A wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman. She was very upset.
    _"You are a disrespectful pig!"_ she cried. _"How dare you do this to me – a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving you. I want a divorce, NOW!"_
    The husband calmly replied, _"Hang on just a minute love. At least let me tell you what happened."_
    _"Fine, go ahead",_ the wife sobbed, _"but they will be the last words you say to me!"_
    The husband began:
    _"Well, as I was getting into the car at work to drive home, this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so distressed, helpless and defenceless that I took pity on her and let her into the car."_
    _"She was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty and told me that she hadn't eaten for three days."_
    _"Out of compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the pizza I made for you last night that you wouldn’t eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight. The poor thing ate it, ravenously."_
    _"She was dirty. I suggested she have a shower. While showering, I noticed her clothes were filthy and threadbare. I threw them away."_
    _"I gave her the designer jeans that you’ve had for a few years, but don’t wear because you say they are too tight."_
    _"I gave her underwear, your anniversary present from me, which you don’t wear because you said I don't have good taste."_
    _"I gave her the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas, that you don’t wear just to annoy her. I also donated those boots you bought at an expensive boutique but don’t wear because someone at work has the same pair."_
    The husband paused, took a quick breath and continued:
    _"She was so grateful for my understanding and help that as I walked her to the door, she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said, *“Please sir... Do you have anything else that your wife doesn’t use?”
     
    #20533
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  14. antipodean exile

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    #20534
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  15. Nig

    Nig Well-Known Member

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    Amazon electric van ?
     
    #20535
  16. Wooperts_duck

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    #20536
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  17. Wooperts_duck

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    #20537
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  18. Wooperts_duck

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    #20538
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  19. Wooperts_duck

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    #20539
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  20. Wooperts_duck

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    #20540
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