My wife walked in on an argument between our son and me. When he ran out of the room crying, I turned to the wife and said, "I wish I'd used a condom now." Horrified, she said, "What? You wish our son had never been born?" "No," I replied. "I've got his girlfriend pregnant."
A schizophrenic walks into his local and orders a pint The Barman says " You normally get 2" He replies " I'm off the drink".
I waited outside the Coop to have a pop at this inconsiderate idiot for parking in the disabled spot ... ... when the driver arrived it was an old Doris who'd popped in for a pint of milk and the car had a blue badge That's 15 minutes I'll never get back.
