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Off Topic The Goodhand Arms

Discussion in 'Southampton' started by TheSecondStain, Jul 15, 2014.

  1. thereisonlyoneno7

    thereisonlyoneno7 Well-Known Member

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    The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialled the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispered, "Hello?"

    Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster the boss asked,

    “Is your Daddy home?"

    “Yes", whispered the small voice.

    “May I talk with him?" the man asked.

    To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, "No."

    Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked,

    “Is your Mummy there?"

    “Yes", came the answer.

    “May I talk with her?"

    Again the small voice whispered, "No."

    Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left home alone the boss decided he would just leave a message with the person who should be there watching over the child.

    “Is there any one there besides you?" the boss asked the child.

    “Yes" whispered the child, "a policeman."

    Wondering what a policeman would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked,

    “May I speak with the policeman?"

    “No, he's busy," whispered the child.

    “Busy doing what?" asked the boss.

    “Talking to Daddy and Mummy and the Fireman", came the whispered answer.

    Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the ear piece on the phone the boss asked,

    “What is that noise?"

    “A hello-copper" answered the whispering voice.

    “What is going on there?" asked the boss, now alarmed.

    In an awe whispering voice the child answered,

    “The search team just landed the hello-copper."

    Alarmed, concerned, and more than just a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"

    Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle: "Me!"
     
    #49421
  2. thereisonlyoneno7

    thereisonlyoneno7 Well-Known Member

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  3. thereisonlyoneno7

    thereisonlyoneno7 Well-Known Member

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    In Germany when someone is diagnosed with coeliac disease other coeliacs will chase and try and hit them with bread to make them feel welcomed.

    It's called gluten tag.
     
    #49423
  4. SaintMarv

    SaintMarv Well-Known Member

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    A priest a vicar and a rabbit go to a blood bank. They were asked their blood group. The rabbit said I think i'm a Type O
     
    #49424
  5. Number 1 Jasper

    Number 1 Jasper Well-Known Member

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  6. davecg69

    davecg69 Well-Known Member

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    #49426
    Number 1 Jasper likes this.

  7. San Tejón

    San Tejón Well-Known Member

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    #49427
  8. San Tejón

    San Tejón Well-Known Member

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    Just spent 40 minutes trying to find out why my state pension hasn’t yet been paid to me.
    I completed the required paperwork on 20th March and received a text from the DWP on 7th May telling me they were working on sorting out my pension and they would be in touch.
    Having been somewhat distracted by other events, over the last 12 weeks or so, I haven’t been paying too much attention to my pension, expecting to receive my first payment today, 4 weeks in arrears from my 66th birthday.
    Bottom line is that they don’t know why I haven’t been paid and need to investigate.
    They didn’t need to investigate stopping the ESA payment I was receiving, when I reached 66. Stopped immediately.
    They didn’t need to investigate stopping my wife’s benefits when she died. Stopped immediately (actually her PIP payments were stopped after she had been hospitalised for 4 weeks).
    I’ve had to wait the extra year to receive the state pension and they can’t even pay it on time. :emoticon-0169-dance:emoticon-0170-ninja:emoticon-0183-swear:emoticon-0121-angry
     
    #49428
  9. StJabbo1

    StJabbo1 Well-Known Member

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    please log in to view this image
     
    #49429
  10. saintrichie123

    saintrichie123 Well-Known Member

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    RIP Una Stubbs :(
     
    #49430
    Last edited: Aug 12, 2021
  11. St. Luigi Scrosoppi

    St. Luigi Scrosoppi Well-Known Member

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    Now that has really made me feel quite sad.
     
    #49431
    davecg69 likes this.
  12. ChilcoSaint

    ChilcoSaint What a disgrace Forum Moderator

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    So sad. I must admit I had no idea she was as old as 84. Another iconic star from my youth gone :(

    RIP Una <rose>
     
    #49432
    davecg69 and The 83rd Minute like this.
  13. SaintMarv

    SaintMarv Well-Known Member

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    I watched her on quite a bit on TV growing up as the daughter Alf Garnett Aunt Sally on Wurzel Gummige and with Lionel Blair and Michael Aspel. She also appeared in some Cliff Richard films my mum used to watch
     
    #49433
  14. ChilcoSaint

    ChilcoSaint What a disgrace Forum Moderator

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    More recently she was Mrs Hudson in Sherlock.
     
    #49434
    davecg69 likes this.
  15. The 83rd Minute

    The 83rd Minute Well-Known Member

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  16. tomw24

    tomw24 Well-Known Member Forum Moderator

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    Serious incident in Plymouth. Rumours of a mass shooting.
     
    #49436
  17. saintrichie123

    saintrichie123 Well-Known Member

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  18. saintrichie123

    saintrichie123 Well-Known Member

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    :(
     
    #49438
  19. thereisonlyoneno7

    thereisonlyoneno7 Well-Known Member

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    There’s an echo on here :)
     
    #49439
  20. StJabbo1

    StJabbo1 Well-Known Member

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    #49440
    thereisonlyoneno7 likes this.

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