A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, says she'll see him later and walks away. His wife glares at him and says, "Who the hell was that?" "Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress." "Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough, I want a divorce." "I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a divorce it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more Infinities and Lexuses in the garage and no more yacht club. But the decision is yours." Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm. "Who's that woman with Jim? " asks the wife. "That's his mistress," says her husband. "Ours is prettier," she replies
I'm not a rugby fan but it just happens to be on the tele and someone just got sent to the sin bin (whatever that is) for wasting time - in the first minute
I was once in a band called 'The Radiators'. We were a warm up act. Then I joined 'The Duvets'. We mainly did covers. After that I was in an outfit called 'Cats Eyes', mostly middle of the road stuff. Now I'm in a group called 'Missing Cat'. You may have seen our posters.
There's a documentary on BBC tonight about Erectile dysfunction. I don't think I'll be able to stay up for it.. please log in to view this image
An older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk. She said: "You use to hold my hand when we were courting." Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep. A few moments later she said: "Then you use to kiss me." Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep. Thirty seconds later she said :"Then you use to bite my neck" Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed. "Where are you going ?"she asked. "To get my teeth!".
