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The barnsley joke page

Discussion in 'Barnsley' started by kiwiqpr, Mar 25, 2014.

Page 538 of 830
  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #10741
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 6, 2021
    Makemstine Roger, Taffvalerowdy and San Diego like this.
  2. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    upload_2021-7-7_18-20-53.jpeg
     
    #10742
    Taffvalerowdy, Jul 7, 2021
    Gordon Armstrong, San Diego, Wooperts_duck and 2 others like this.
  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    In the spirit of Wimbledon fortnight I bought a punnet of strawberries and looked to the internet for the best way to serve them.

    It suggested that I halve the strawberries, dust with icing sugar, and pile cream on top.

    A word to the wise - pile cream tastes disgusting.
     
    #10743
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 8, 2021
    Gordon Armstrong, San Diego, Taffvalerowdy and 1 other person like this.
  4. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    upload_2021-7-8_14-40-55.png
     
    #10744
    Taffvalerowdy, Jul 8, 2021
    Gordon Armstrong, Wooperts_duck and San Diego like this.
  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee after Mass.
    The first Catholic man tells his friends, “My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him ‘Father’.”
    The second Catholic man chirps, “My son is a Bishop, when he walks into a room people call him ‘Your Grace’.”
    The third Catholic man says, “My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone says ‘Your Eminence’.”
    The fourth Catholic man says, “My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him ‘Your Holiness’.”
    Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men gave her a look and said, “Well….?”
    She proudly replies, “I have a daughter, slim, tall, 38 Double D breasts, 24″ waist, and 34″ hips.
    When she walks into a room, people say, “Oh My God.”
     
    #10745
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 8, 2021
    Gordon Armstrong and San Diego like this.
  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    I know I joke a lot on my posts, but on a serious note, I need everyone to wish me luck. I have a meeting at the bank and if all goes well I'll be debt free and own everything that I have now.

    I'm soooo excited, I can hardly put my balaclava on.
     
    #10746
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 8, 2021
    Gordon Armstrong, San Diego and Makemstine Roger like this.

  7. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    then you will be able to let me live rent free in your granny flat yipppeee.
     
    #10747
    Makemstine Roger, Jul 8, 2021
    San Diego likes this.
  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #10748
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 8, 2021
    Makemstine Roger and San Diego like this.
  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #10749
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 8, 2021
    Makemstine Roger and San Diego like this.
  10. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    upload_2021-7-9_8-44-35.png
     
    #10750
    Taffvalerowdy, Jul 9, 2021
    Makemstine Roger, Wooperts_duck and San Diego like this.
  11. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    upload_2021-7-9_19-13-0.png
     
    #10751
    Taffvalerowdy, Jul 9, 2021
    Makemstine Roger and San Diego like this.
  12. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    upload_2021-7-11_14-50-36.jpeg
     
    #10752
    Taffvalerowdy, Jul 11, 2021
    Gordon Armstrong, San Diego, Wooperts_duck and 1 other person like this.
  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #10753
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 11, 2021
    San Diego, Taffvalerowdy and Makemstine Roger like this.
  14. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    Late change of ref for tonight’s match

    upload_2021-7-11_19-38-10.jpeg
     
    #10754
    Taffvalerowdy, Jul 11, 2021
    San Diego, Makemstine Roger and Wooperts_duck like this.
  15. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    #10755
    Taffvalerowdy, Jul 11, 2021
    Wooperts_duck, Makemstine Roger and San Diego like this.
  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #10756
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 12, 2021
    San Diego, Gordon Armstrong and Makemstine Roger like this.
  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #10757
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 12, 2021
    San Diego, Gordon Armstrong and Makemstine Roger like this.
  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    My wife just asked me if I’d seen the dog bowl?

    I said “To be honest, I didn’t even know he played cricket”.
     
    #10758
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 12, 2021
    San Diego and Makemstine Roger like this.
  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    The Royal Navy found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early retirement bonus. They promised any officer who volunteered for Retirement a bonus of £1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two points in his body... The officer got to choose what those two points would be.
    The first officer who accepted asked that he be measured from the top of His head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet and walked out with a bonus of £72,000...
    The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked out with £96,000.
    The third one was a non-commissioned officer, a grizzly old Chief Stoker who, when asked where he would like to be measured replied, 'From the tip of my penis to my testicles.'
    It was suggested by the pension man that he might want to reconsider, explaining about the nice big cheques the previous two Officers had received. But old the Chief insisted and they decided to go along with him providing the measure was taken by a Medical Officer.
    The Medical Officer arrived and instructed the Chief to drop 'em,' which He did.
    The Medical Officer placed the tape measure on the tip of the Chief's penis and began to work back. Dear Lord!' he suddenly exclaimed, 'Where are your testicles?'
    The Old Chief calmly replied, ' The Falkland Islands'.
     
    #10759
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 13, 2021
    San Diego, Makemstine Roger and Gordon Armstrong like this.
  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #10760
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 13, 2021
    San Diego, Makemstine Roger and Gordon Armstrong like this.
Page 538 of 830
: this kiwi dont eat worms, kiwi never sleeps, kiwi was here, LIKE KIWI, kiwis watching you lot, kiwi farts a lot

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