A Mackerel was swimming along when he found a poorly squid. What's wrong asks the mackerel ? I don't feel well said the Squid. The mackerel said Have you been to the Doctors? What's that said the squid? The mackerel said Its a place that makes you feel better follow me. So they swim along together when all of a sudden a shark appeared and the mackerel said Here's that sick squid I owe you
Interesting facts In the 1400’s a law was set forth in England that a man was allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thinker than his thumb.....Hence we have the saying “Rule of thumb.” Many years ago a new game was invented in Scotland by a small group of male friends. In the very beginning the new game had only one rule.....Gentlemen Only, Ladies Forbidden. Thus the word GOLF entered the English language. In Shakespeare’s time, mattresses were secured to bed frames by ropes. When the ropes were pulled the mattress became firmer to sleep on and this was regarded as better for both health and posture. Hence the phrase.....”Good night, sleep tight” It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month following a wedding, the father of the bride would supply his new son-in-law with all the Mead he could drink. Mead was an alcohol drink made from honey, and because the Babylon calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month.....which we know today as the honeymoon. Since 1966, England fans have said their team is going to win every competition they play in and quite incredibly they seem to truly believe it. This belief is not based on any factual evidence of team form, logic, or even inspirational managerial leadership that might indicate that it could be possible. Hence we have the saying.....”Football’s coming home” ..... often sung by the deluded.
While sitting in a bar with a couple of friends, the Scotsman says, “As good as this bar is, I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow, there’s a wee place where the landlord goes out of his way for the locals. When you buy four drinks, he’ll buy the fifth drink for you.” “Well,” said the Englishman, “At my local in London, the barman will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two.” “Ahhh, dat’s nothin’,” said the Irishman, “back home in my favourite pub, the moment you set foot in the place, they’ll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like, actually. Then, when you’ve had enough drinks, they’ll take you upstairs and see that you get laid, and it’s all on the house!” The Englishman and Scotsman were suspicious of the claims but the Irishman swore every word was true. Then the Englishman asked, “Did this actually happen to you?” “No, not to me personally,” admitted the Irishman, “but it happens to the wife all the time.”
One evening a farmer decided to walk down to check out his large pond at the end of his land down by the orchard, as he hadn’t been there for a while. He grabbed a couple of buckets so he could carry back some apples and pears which were just starting to ripen. As he neared the pond he heard some voices shouting and giggling. As he got closer he saw it was a group of young women who were skinny dipping. He made the women aware of his presence and they quickly swam out to deeper water. One of the women shouted to him .....”Go away, we’re not coming out until you leave.” The old farmer frowned and said ..... “I didn’t come down here to watch you young ladies skinny dipping or to make you get out of the water naked.” Holding the buckets up he said ..... “I just came to feed the alligator”
Yep watched it the other week in one session. Someone I have known for over 30 years got put away for tax irregularities about 3 years ago for 4 years (they were released last year) and they said it was exactly like that. They weren't criminals (well they got convicted but you know what I mean) and ended up in a prison with all that going on. It has changed them forever and they said it was really realistic. I actually found it a difficult watch at times as I watched it with them in mind.
Yep, likewise a mate of mine got pissed with his best friend - his friend was meant to be driving but he was 'less pissed' and drove. Ended up crashing and killing his best mate and was put away for it. Similar thing when I spoke to him.
Well he hasn't responded yet maybe Mrs no7 won and made it such a good punch that he hasn't woken up yet?
A man is out walking his pet carrot. As he’s walking his pet carrot it gets hit by a car. After rushing to the ER the man paces the waiting room as the doctor comes out exhausted from surgery. “Doctor, is my carrot alive are they ok?” The doctors sighs. “I have good news and bad news. The good news is your pet carrot is alive” the man breathes a sigh of relief. “What’s the bad news doctor?” The doctor looks him in the eyes and says “Well I’m sorry but, your carrots gonna be a vegetable for the rest of its life.”
A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. “Why of course,” comes the reply. The first man then asks.....“Where are you from?”..... I’m from Ireland,” replies the second man. The first man responds..... “You don’t say, I’m from Ireland too! Let’s have another round to toast the lovely Ireland.”.....“Of course,” .....replies the second man. Curious, the first man then asks.....“Where in Ireland are you from?”.....“Dublin,” comes the reply..... “I can’t believe it,” says the first man.....“I’m from Dublin too! Let’s have another drink to Dublin.”.....“Of course,” replies the second man. Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: “What school did you go to?”.....“Saint Mary’s,” replies the second man.....“I graduated in ’62.”......“This is unbelievable!” the first man says.....“I went to Saint Mary’s and I graduated in ’62, too!” About that time, in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar. “What’s been going on?” he asks the bartender. “Nothing much,” replies the bartender. “The O’Malley twins are drunk again."
