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Jokes

Discussion in 'Leeds United' started by ellandback, Jun 25, 2019.

  1. xbpod

    xbpod Well-Known Member

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    A Cowboy sitting in a saloon one Saturday night, he recognized an elderly man standing at the bar who, in his day, had the reputation of being the fastest gun in the West:

    The young cowboy took a place next to the old-timer, bought him a drink and told him the story of his great ambition. "Do you think you could give me some tips?" He asked.

    The old man looked him up and down and said. "Well, for one thing, you’re wearing your gun too high. Tie the holster a little lower down on your leg.’"

    "Will that make me a better gunfighter?" Asked the young man.

    "Sure will." Replied the old-timer.

    The young man did as he was told, stood up, whipped out his 44 and shot the bow tie off the piano player. "That’s terrific." Said the hot shot.. "Got any more tips for me?"

    "Yep." Said the old man. "Cut a notch out of your holster where the hammer hits it. That’ll give you a smoother draw."

    "Will that make me a better gunfighter?" Asked the young man.

    "You bet it will." Said the old-timer.

    The young man took out his knife, cut the notch, stood up, drew his gun in a blur, and then shot a cufflink off the piano player. "Wow!" Exclaimed the cowboy. "I’m learnin’ somethin’ here. Got any more tips?"

    The old man pointed to a large can in a corner. "See that axle grease over there? Coat your gun with it."

    The young man went over to the can and smeared some of the grease on the barrel of his gun.

    "No." Said the old-timer. "I mean smear it all over the gun, handle and all."

    "Will that make me a better gunfighter?" Asked the young man.

    "No." Said the old-timer. "But when Wyatt Earp gets done playing the piano, he’s gonna shove that gun up your ass and it won’t hurt near as much!"
     
    #2881
  2. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    please log in to view this image
     
    #2882
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  3. xbpod

    xbpod Well-Known Member

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  4. 2 pennth

    2 pennth Well-Known Member

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    #2884
    Makemstine Roger and xbpod like this.
  5. brisbane-lion

    brisbane-lion Well-Known Member

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    They all went south where men work!
     
    #2885
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  6. 2 pennth

    2 pennth Well-Known Member

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    Love the exclamation mark or did you mean ?
     
    #2886

  7. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    The mother-in-law arrives home from the shops to find her son-in-law Paddy in a steaming rage and hurriedly packing his suitcase.
    "What happened Paddy?" she asks anxiously.
    “What happened?? I'll tell you what happened! I sent an e-mail to my wife telling her I was coming home today from my fishing trip.
    I get home ... and guess what I found? Yes, your daughter, my wife Jean, naked with Joe Murphy in our marital bed!
    This is unforgivable, the end of our marriage. I'm done. I'm leaving forever!"
    “Ah now, calm down, calm down Paddy!" says his mother-in-law.
    "There is something very odd going on here. Jean would never do such a thing! There must be a simple explanation.
    I'll go speak to her immediately and find out what happened."
    Moments later, the mother-in-law comes back with a big smile.
    “Paddy. I told you there must be a simple explanation ... she never got your e-mail!"
     
    #2887
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  8. Irishshako

    Irishshako Well-Known Member

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    <laugh> Although Joe Murphy would be a Mick:) not a paddy:emoticon-0136-giggl
     
    #2888
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  9. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    i still can't tell the difference between a Mick MAC Paddy or Whack
     
    #2889
  10. Irishshako

    Irishshako Well-Known Member

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    <laugh>
     
    #2890
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  11. wakeybreakyheart

    wakeybreakyheart Well-Known Member

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    But i bet you gave the dog a bine.
     
    #2891
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  12. Irishshako

    Irishshako Well-Known Member

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    A woodbine:grin:
     
    #2892
  13. wakeybreakyheart

    wakeybreakyheart Well-Known Member

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    A bone <laugh><laugh>
     
    #2893
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  14. Irishshako

    Irishshako Well-Known Member

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    <laugh>
     
    #2894
  15. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    no i gave a bitch the bone though <laugh><laugh><laugh>
     
    #2895
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  16. Irishshako

    Irishshako Well-Known Member

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    Can you asked your Kenyan wife why is Kenyan football so ****. Betting on matches but not many goals.:grin:
     
    #2896
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  17. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    because the coaches who attend are all corrupt there are around 10 playing in the top leagues and 3 in England playing premier league check out SAFC keroche started by myself they are based in Naivasha, i took pity on them when driving past no kit no proper refs it was bad
     
    #2897
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  18. Whitejock

    Whitejock Well-Known Member

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    Kudos.
     
    #2898
  19. Irishshako

    Irishshako Well-Known Member

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    So I should stop betting on that League:grin:
     
    #2899
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  20. Irishshako

    Irishshako Well-Known Member

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    In saying that Nairobi just scored to keep my accy going.<party>
     
    #2900
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