An Elderly Irish lady visits her physician to ask his advice on reviving her husband’s libido. What about trying Viagra?” asked the doctor. Not a chance” she replied. “He won’t even take an aspirin. Not a problem,” said the doctor. “Give him an Irish Viagra. What on Earth is Irish Viagra?” she asked. It’s Viagra dissolved in his morning cup of coffee. He won’t even taste it. Let me know how it goes,” he said. She called the doctor the very next afternoon. How did it go?” he asked. Oh Jesus Doctor, it was terrible. Just horrid, I tell ya! I’m beside myself! Oh, no! What in the world happened?” asked the doctor Well, I did the deed, Doctor, just as you advised. I put the Viagra in his morning coffee, and he drank it. Well, you know, it took effect almost immediately, and he jumped straight up out of his chair with a smile on his face, a twinkle in his eye and his pants a-bulging. Then, with one fierce swoop of his arm, he sent the cups, saucers, and everything else that was on the table flying across the room ripped my clothes to tatters and passionately took me then and there, right on top of the table. T’was a nightmare, I tell ya, an absolute nightmare! Why so terrible?” asked the doctor. “Wasn’t the sex good? Freakin jaysus, it was the best sex I’ve had in me last 25 years, but sure as I’m sittin’ here, Doctor… I’ll never be able to show me face in Starbucks again!
I came up with a novel idea today which was to always place rubbish in the rubbish bin provided. The nurse said I should be OK to go home next week
An Engineer dies and goes to Hell. Dissatisfied with the level of comfort, he starts designing and building improvements. After a while, Hell has air conditioning, iced water, flush toilets, and escalators; and the Engineer is a pretty popular guy. One day, God calls and asks Satan, "So, how are things going down there?" Satan says, “Why, things are going great. We've now got air conditioning, iced water, flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this Engineer is going to come up with next!" God is horrified. "What? You've got an Engineer? That's clearly a mistake – he should never have gone down there! You know all Engineers go to Heaven. Send him up here immediately!!" Satan says, "No way, I really like having an Engineer on the staff. I’m keeping him." God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue you." "Yeah, right," Satan laughs, "and where are you going to get a Lawyer?
Vladimir Putin wanting to appeal to the voters goes to visit a school in Moscow. He talks to the children about how Russia is a powerful and also a generous nation and how he wants the best for the people. At the end of the talk there is time for questions. little Sasha puts up her hand and says “ I have two questions. Why did Russia invade Crimea and why did we send troops to Ukraine. ? Putin says, “ good questions “ Just as he is about to answer the bell goes and the kids go to lunch. When they come back they sit down and there is time for more questions. Little Misha puts up her had and says “I have four questions. Why did Russia invade Crimea, why did we send troops to Ukraine, why did the bell go 20 minutes early and where is Sasha ? “
