A farmer stopped by the local mechanic's shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home. On the way home, he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens & a goose. However, struggling outside the store, he now had a problem--how to carry all of his purchases home! While he was scratching his head, he was approached by a little old lady who told him that she was lost. She asked, "Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane, please ?" The farmer said, "Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house. I would walk you there, but I can't carry this lot." The old lady suggested, "Why don't you put the can of paint in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm, and carry the goose in your other hand?" "Why, thank you very much," he said, and proceeded to walk the old girl home. On the way, he said, "Let's take a short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time!" The little old lady looked him over cautiously and then said, "I am a lonely widow without a husband to protect me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?" The farmer said, "Holy smoke, lady! I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?" The old lady replied, "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens..." The old ones are the best
I recall my first time with a condom, when I was 16 or so. I went in to buy a packet of condoms at the pharmacy. There was this beautiful woman assistant behind the counter, and she could see that I was new at it. She handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear one. I honestly answered, ‘No, this is my first time.’ So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped it over her thumb. She cautioned me to make sure that it was on tight and secure. I apparently still looked confused so she looked all around the store to see if it was empty. It was. ‘Just a minute,’ she said, and walked to the door, and locked it. Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse and removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside. ‘Do these excite you?’ she asked. Well, I was so dumb-struck that all I could do was nod my head. She then said it was time to slip the condom on. As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties and lay down on a desk. ‘Well, come on’, she said, ‘we don’t have much time.’ So I climbed on her. It was so wonderful that, unfortunately, I could no longer hold back and KAPOWWWWWWWW, I was done within a few moments. She looked at me with a bit of a frown. ‘Did you put that condom on?’ she asked. I said, ‘I sure did' and held up my thumb to show her. She fainted.
As I got out on the 11th floor, the lift operator said "Have a good day, son" "Don't call me son . . . . you are not my dad" I replied, sarcastically. As the doors closed, he looked me in the eye and said "No, but I brought you up, didn't I"
