Off Topic The Goodhand Arms

Yes

 

Shows the value of a microchip, even after 14 years! Lovely story, thanks Tom

 

Exactly, all of us will be able to be found now after taking the vaccine

 

Superb

 

Just cleared out my office and had run out of room on the picture hook... last 4 years calendars

 

You're not a well man should you be looking pics of Kylie?

 

Fats has recorded a parady of a Kylie song called I just can't get you into my bed

 

Followed up by “She should be so lucky”

 

I’m not a musician but I wouldn’t mind strumming that.

 

You got that wrong mate. If you want someone to really **** things up it has to be this fool.

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An anteater walks into a pub, the landlord asks, “Can I get you a drink?"

"Noooooooooooooo!”

"How about something to eat?"

"Noooooooooooooo!”

The landlord asks, “What's with the long ‘no's’!”

“I was born with it!"

 

What has 90 balls and screws old women?


Bingo.

 

Teacher to the class If you were not covered in skin what would you like to be covered in? Little Jack says Gold miss
Teacher said Why gold? Jack replied I could scratch a bit off and buy a BMW. Very good says the teacher. Platinum says little Tom. Why platinum says the teacher. Tom replied Well platinum is worth more than gold I could scratch a bit off and buy a porsche. Very good says the teacher. Pubic hair says little Johnny. Why on earth would you like to be covered in Pubic hair? Said the teacher. Johnny replied My sister has a little patch and you should see the motors outside her house.

 

Salmond wants to start a new political party to lead Scotland to independence. A man who lacks the self-awareness just to keep his head down.

 

Mrs Jab was riding a bike made of spaghetti, I didn't believe it until I pasta.

 

Bet the bike cost a pretty penne

 

Not pasta, but I falafel out of my chair sniggering at that one.

 

Sniggering? It was more of a Chortellini