Mate, your promotion, prompted by your manager, has taken you out of your 'comfort zone'. A few things here, look at it as a massive vote of confidence in your ability by your bosses if they think you are good enough for promotion. Tell your manager that you have concerns about your new role - that you will need support, a good manager will give you that. Put any extra earnings aside and let it build up with the intention of spending it on yourself or your wife. Realise that whatever thoughts manifest themselves, that's all they are, thoughts. Negative thoughts. Turn them into positive.
If it helps Nev please don't worry about updating the 2016 Prediction League any longer - we are all over it now.
I am lucky, the bad experiences I've had in the past I've now used to my advantage. I've realised that my anxieties were negative thoughts, and put enough negative thoughts together and they will manifest themselves in all sorts of ways. One of these ways was to make me feel "phantom" pains - neurotic, in other words. I've gone from that, years ago, to being virtually "untouchable" now. Maybe that comes with age? I've been lucky enough to have a steady marriage for nearly 30 years, continued employment (self-employment, which forces your hand when to comes to being honest at work), kids and grandkids, and a realisation that I have nothing or no one to fear. I look at others and realise no one is above me, I am on a par with them, this gives me confidence. I've been fortunate last few months during lockdown to have a bit more time to do some great, but simple things, yesterday morning walking the dog with wifey down Tynemouth (just a lovely feeling and hardly costs a penny). And books, I've done a load of reading of late, some classics and modern stuff. I just give myself "breathing' time, its keeping all the ****ty stuff out of my life.
Oh, and on my 50th birthday a few years ago, I gave myself every monday off - for evermore. And I've stuck to it. So, today, I'm off again. Walkies with the dog it is, in Jesmond Dene. Glorious.
Absolutely. I partly blame Blair's government. If I remember correctly, about 20 years they paved the way for TV ads during football matches. It quickly became the norm to gamble online whereas previously you had to find a bookies. Easier accessibility created more addicts, more debts.
That’s great news. I can definitely slow down a bit that’s for sure. I have lots of work to finish today but I’m going for a walk at dinner time. That should clean out some of the cobwebs. Then I’m going to completely switch off.
I had that exact same situation a couple of years ago. I took on a job that I didn’t think was right for me. You sound like a switched on guy and your circumstances may be different and I’m sure you will smash it btw. In my situation I was going from one company to a different one but to a completely different job in a much larger organisation. It took 3 months for me realise it was not right for me but oddly enough I performed so good that they asked me to retract my resignation. What they couldn’t understand was that although I was good at it I wasn’t happy at it.(common theme in my posts you will see). So they reluctantly accepted and I took my current job and I’ve never looked back in terms of this job. It’s probably below me in all honesty but it suits me better. Means I’m not worried about things. I hope your ok and today goes well. Message me later if you want to talk about it.
First off top class that you've had the balls to post on here. Much better than wallowing and letting things spiral. We're strange creatures, who deal with peer pressure and male alpha culture our whole lives. Suicides amongst males are way too high, and its because they don't talk in the main. So you've already done one of the hardest things to do by reaching out (not suggesting your suicidal to be clear! Just pointing out the dangers!). Despite me thinking everyone is a **** on here, there are actually some really decent folk who can help And a good range of ages. Part of you sounds like you almost feel guilty for having all the stereotypical routes to happiness, but not being happy. You shouldn't feel guilty at all. The human psyche runs a lot deeper than material things and even interactions with people, you just have very real evidence of this is all. To help you relate I'm 42 yr old. I have a fantastic partner, a wonderful kid and enough money I'll never really have to worry about it. Nice car nice house, absolutely nothing to whinge about technically. Yet in 2019 I just seemed to spiral into questioning it all. Started doubting if I was still 'in love' with the missus. I felt guilty for even thinking it, and this was exasperated when I spoke to someone about it and their view was "mate you've got everything, think about those who don't have any of those things". That person was genuinely trying to help, but it didn't help at all, it just confirmed to me that I should feel guilty. We have an attitude of "you should be happy with your lot". There is a lot to be said for appreciating what you have, but don't let that discourage you from bottoming this out because its important you do. All I would say is that I think we all hit points in our lives and take stock. Our age group do this naturally. The mind can play tricks, because you've set yourself the challenge of taking stock, its natural to look for negatives. My advice is don't throw the baby out with the bath water. Rather than also questioning what you have now, simply focus on what is missing. Its a very interesting dynamic you have where you are looking for that missing something. Its the trickiest thing to locate, looking for something despite not knowing what that something is. I suspect you simply want to extract more from yourself. Maybe you know you have more to give. This could be a new hobby or interest, it could be adding layers to yourself such as learning a new language. It could be learning something new entirely. I don't know you well enough to know your currents interests, but spins off from that is a good starting point. Seen as it is about you, why not have a look into your family genealogy. Maybe by understanding better who you are, where you've come from, can help. Keep talking bud, it'll only help
So I see the irony in me giving any kind of advice on happiness, and I haven't read each post so apologies if there's repetition, but here goes: - Try to see as much joy as you can in the small stuff. The hugs from kids, the laughter they have sometimes, the comfort in being loved by a partner, and so on. Most of us are not teachers (DPP, I see you), or carers, or anything that lockdown has forced us to be. - Avoid drinking entirely. I have a couple on a Friday night, maybe the odd one on a Saturday but Sun-Thur I avoid it. I like a drink, but I've knocked wine and beer on the head and find clear spirits leave me less 'sad'. - Understand that this world is ****ing difficult. Covid and lockdown has changed life a lot and you are perfectly entitled to feel frustrated at the kids, sick of the sight of your missus, and so on; none of us signed up to a life like this, we're all entitled to feel kinda pissed off at the way it's happened. - Take your mind off it. Couple of nights a week, when it doesn't interfere with things, I throw on the Xbox and pretend I'm 14. It gets quite boring, but it wipes your brain out. My wife uses books instead - it's SO important to get down time, to get "you" time and again you shouldn't feel guilty about that. - Get yourself some purpose - whether it's painting a room, cleaning the car, doing the fence, changing the light bulbs, I think if you have some goals (as ACS said) and write them down, you feel a greater sense of self-worth when achieving things no matter how small. - Never feel guilty; I've said it a few times, but sadness can create a situation where you think "ah, but others have it worse" - it doesn't matter. It's about you and yours, society is unforgiving and won't look out for you, so you have to do it and never feel guilty about feeling **** just because you have more money or a nicer car. - Don't underestimate winter and male menopause. This sounds absurd, but Seasonal Affective Disorder (or SAD) is a real thing, as are hormonal changes as we blokes get older (though we don't suffer like the females, so don't hate me for saying it!). Take vitamins for this stuff - the likes of Ashganawatha and St John's Wort (I take a little of both, daily when I remember) as well as Vitamin D and Ginseng do help with a feeling of well-being. - Get fresh air where you can, simple walks, particularly in nature, can have a massive impact on moods. Just going on a walk around a park, on your own if you need to, is really positive. Don't have to do "exercise" unless you feel like it. And don't let excuses get in the way - as Norwegians say, there's no such thing as bad weather, just bad clothing. - Get sleep. Alcohol impacts sleep too, it links into the drinking thing and sorry to sound preachy but some decent sleep (improve the mattress, invest in pillows, use sleep help like listening to ASMR, taking Valerian root, eating earlier, doing some meditation, etc.) will work wonders. Nothing kills your mood or drive more than lack of sleep. Hope this **** helps. It probably didn't. If all this fails, I think you'll feel a 270% improvement of mood simply by NOT supporting Newcastle.
One thing we haven't touched on, so far, lads, is diet (at least I don't think we have). Its easy to eat takeaways three or four times a week and to pile the weight on (especially combined with beer and no exercise). However, I do think it just adds to the overall "wellbeing" problem. In our house, we have breakfast (maybe boiled eggs or overnight oats), a light lunch, and a low-fat but tasty evening meal. You can cook meals that are as tasty as your takeaway favourites. You just need a little belief and a bit of experimentation. I hardly ever eat veg but my wife makes soup from scratch with six or seven veg in it. I'm having one now, its tasty, nutritious, and easy to drink.
Aye on this. Keep takeaway to once a week absolute minimum; I'm closer to once a month. I much prefer home cooked which I do most of. It does the healthy thing, vitamins, sense of achievement, mini project, all in one - also can be quite interesting getting online researching recipes. This weekend I made pizza (just get a base, add decent veg and cheese, avoid meat with nitrites - ham/pepperoni/salami - or get a nitrite free option, like Finnebrogue bacon or Unearthed parma ham), then a curry (when making the base, blend up onion, garlic, ginger, carrot) and then a mushroom/bacon (finnebrogue) risotto but added asparagus. As Dorts says, get good with either making soup, or making smoothies. Both liquid gold in terms of vitamin goodness and really forgiving, as in it's hard to **** up making either even if you're the cooking equivalent of Joelinton.
I’m not going to say anything about personal experiences mate as I’m currently at work & on a time schedule but I just wanted to applaud you and tell you how proud you should be of yourself for opening up on here & owning what’s going on. Massive hats off to you, it takes a true man to do such a thing. @Geordieginola You’ve got mates for life on this board mate.
Well done for speaking up fella, best thing you can do is talk, especially if you are able to speak to a professional or friends and family and be 100% honest about it and how you feel, you will find a way with the help of loved ones. In my completely unprofessional opinion would be try and lay off/cut down on the booze and working out/a healthy lifestyle can do wonders for the mind, body and soul. In addition to this and probably my biggest (unprofessional opinion) is DO WHAT YOU LOVE - whatever that might be, can be anything in the world, singing, painting, playing a sport, doing a crossword, carpentry, writing poetry, whatever - no matter how good you are at it, just do it and do it for you. No one will begrudge you a bit of "me time".
C Cheers mate. Kind words and also what strikes me from your post and several others is that it’s not as uncommon as I once thought. Seems a lot of us have hit a wall at some point depending on our circumstances. Not that I’m saying my own personal situation is different because in some ways it’s not. But in all the years since I can remember I’ve not found anything that’s really made me think wow. This is it. I’m not suicidal. I’m no-where near it. I’m not really saying there’s any problems at home etc. In fact I can’t really say there’s anything wrong in my life to think about it. It’s just something’s missing? Someone said to stop looking for it and it might find you. One thing I do get is jealous of other people’s happiness. But maybe it’s just what they want me to see. Strange thing happened today. I went out for my walk at dinnertime and a chap walking his dog let it poop and walked away. About 4 houses down from mine. I stopped him and I said are you not going to pick it up. He said nope I have no bags. I said ok wait here and I will get one for you and he said “**** off”. Usually I would react. I didn’t. I got a bag and picked it up and put it his letterbox (I knew where he lived). Funnily I got more happiness out of that. Different reaction and different solution. But better outcome. I would usually have shouted and ended up arguing working myself up. Wonder when he will notice!
Nice one, Roly. My missus makes slimming world pizzas, we had one each at the weekend. They were delicious. Washed down with a couple of bottles of Becks Blue alcohol-free. We are living the life
I'm over 40 and spend a couple of nights with am Xbox headset on getting my arse handed to me by 10 years olds online shooting me to ****. Love it. And it's ALL mine, my missus ****ing hates it! Which is important, life is about differences.
Tom Kerridge nailed it - buy wraps, right? Any do, Old El Paso, Co-op brand, or if you're fancy like me the Crosta Mollica flatbreads. Heat up the oven and throw a couple of wraps onto the shelf for a couple of minutes. Splodge on some jar pasta sauce, grated mozzerella, whatever you want on a pizza, drizzle of oil, back in the oven for 10 and you've got "thin and crispy" with a saving of about 300 calories on a shop bought, or 37,000 calories on a Dominos.
