I asked the corporate wellness officer, “Can you teach me yoga?” He said, “How flexible are you?” I said, “I can’t make Tuesdays.
A guy is sitting at the doctor's office. The doctor walks in and says, "I have some bad news. I'm afraid you're going to have to stop masturbating." "I don't understand, doc," the patient says. "Why?" "Because," the doctor says. "I'm trying to examine you."
A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes, the man finally gets up and says, "bollocks , I wish I had a torch!" The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!"
Parker, take off my shoes" "yes ma'am" "Parker, take off my dress" "yes ma'am" "Parker, take off my bra" "yes ma'am" "Parker, take off my knickers" "yes ma'am" "Now, let me never catch you wearing them again Parker"
A young man was showing off his new sports car to his girlfriend. She was thrilled at the speed. "If I do 200mph, will you take off your clothes?" he asked. "Yes!" said his adventurous girlfriend. And as he gets up to 200, she peeled off all her clothes. Unable to keep his eyes on the road, the car skidded onto some gravel and flipped over. The naked girl was thrown clear, but he was jammed beneath the steering wheel. "Go and get help!" he cried. "But I can't. I'm naked and my clothes are gone!" "Take my shoe", he said, "and cover yourself." Holding the shoe over her pubes, the girl ran down the road and found a service station. Still holding the shoe between her legs, she pleaded to the service station proprietor, "Please help me! My boyfriend's stuck!" The proprietor looked at the shoe and said, "There's nothing I can do...he's in too far."
My wife is looking up romantic holidays, she suggested Vienna, but I said: "This means nothing to me.”
Went to the doctors today, said "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green Green Grass of Home'. Doc said, 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. I said, 'Is it common?' He said 'It's not unusual’
