I honestly thought sex with miners was illegal not sex with minors atleast my mum was there to help me out.
Rooney's out with a felching injury. Berbatov's in the treatment room thanks to a cock piercing that's gone septic. Darron Gibson is ****e. De Gea is going to be out for a while with an exploded anus thanks to that horny ****ing camel Rio brought into training for a laugh. Giggs hasn't emptied his bawsack in so long it's slowing him down and, of course, the tragic news of the death of Chicharito caused by a strangely personified tractor that had taken a dangerous mixture of blues and viagra means that we might, just might, get our baws felt next Saturday."