Off Topic SARS-CoV-2 Covid-19

I think I’ve worked it out...

* 4 year olds can go to school but university students who have paid for their tuition and the accommodation that they aren’t living in, can’t go back to university.

* I can go to school with many 4 year olds that I’m not related to but can’t see one 4 year old that I am related to.

* I can sit in a park, but not tomorrow or Tuesday but by Wednesday that’ll be fine.

* I can meet one person from another household for a chat or to sunbathe but not two people so if I know two people from another household I have to pick my favourite. Hopefully, I’m also their favourite person from my household or this could be awkward. But possibly I’m not. In fact, thinking about it, I definitely wouldn’t be. But as I can’t go closer than 2m to the one I choose anyway so you wouldn’t think having the other one sat next to them would matter - unless two people would restrict my eyeline too much and prevent me from being alert.

* I can work all day with my colleagues but I can’t sit in their garden for a chat after work.

* I can now do unlimited exercise when quite frankly just doing an hour a day felt like I was some kind of fitness guru. I can think of lots of things that I would like to be unlimited but exercise definitely isn’t one of them.

* I can drive to other destinations although which destinations is unclear. I was supposed to be in Brighton this weekend. Can I drive there? It’s hundreds of miles away but no one has said that’s wrong.

* The buses are still running past my house but I shouldn’t get on one. We should just let empty buses drive around so bus drivers aren’t doing nothing.

* It will soon be time to quarantine people coming into the country by air... but not yet. It’s too soon. And not ever if you’re coming from France because... well, I don’t do know why, actually. Because the French version of coronavirus wouldn’t come to the UK maybe.

* Our youngest children go back to school first because... they are notoriously good at not touching things they shouldn’t, maintain personal space at all times and never randomly lick you.

* We are somewhere in between 3.5 and 4.5 on a five point scale where 5 is all of the virus and 1 is none of the virus but 2,3 and 4 can be anything you’d like it to be really. Some of the virus? A bit of the virus? Just enough virus to see off those over 70s who were told to self isolate but now we’ve realised that they’ve done that a bit too well despite us offloading coronavirus patients into care homes and now we are claiming that was never said in the first place, even though it’s in writing in the stay at home guidance.

* The slogan isn’t stay at home any more.So we don’t have to say at home. Except we do. Unless we can’t. In which case we should go out. But there will be fines if we break the rules. So don’t do that.

 

From the document:

People may
exercise outside as many times each day as they wish
.
For example, this would
include angling and tennis. You will still not
be able to use areas like playgrounds, outdoor gyms or
ticketed outdoor leisure venues, where there is a higher risk of close contact and touching
surfaces
.
You can only exercise with up to one person from outside your household
–
this means
you should not
play team sports, except with members of your own household.

I thought you could not play golf with anyone outside your household ? ... Surely the bold bit says otherwise ?

 

Clean your golf clubs, but don't go to Wales ( I may have ****ed up on that - don't go to Salop).

 

Drug dealers you can go back to work tomorrow. Shoplifters you’ll have to wait till July.

 

Thank **** I can multitask

 

So what about Garden Centres can they reopen or not?

 

Surprised more hasn't been made of this:

'As more people return to work, there will be more movement outside people's immediate household. This increased mobility means the Government is now advising that people should aim to wear a face-covering in enclosed spaces where social distancing is not always possible and they come into contact with others that they do not normally meet, for example on public transport or in some shops. Homemade cloth face-coverings can help reduce the risk of transmission in some circumstances. Face-coverings are not intended to help the wearer, but to protect against inadvertent transmission of the disease to others if you have it asymptomatically.'

 

Can you play with yourself outside?

 

The problem is that if you're brainless you should stay at home and if youre sensible you should go out - unfortunately those who are sensible stay at home because those who are brainless are going out

 

There are a lot of self-abusers on here who would like to know the official position on that.

 

I thought you could. At least I hope you can/could, otherwise I may have offended someone.

 

Yeah I'm just reading it now

It does suggest that

Although you can't go full on Ryder Cup or you'd turn it into a team sport...

 

You need to lighten up a bit, you're turning into Casto

 

As lots have been saying on here for a while!

The Govt now even publish sewing instructions!https://www.gov.uk/government/publi...ng/how-to-wear-and-make-a-cloth-face-covering

 

Police decline to press charges, lack of evidence?!

The views expressed in my posts are not necessarily mine.

 

Right, time to bribe one of the kids into doing that as a Design Technology exercise!

 

You can if you're a ****er

 

BBC at it now...

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-52609777