1. Log in now to remove adverts - no adverts at all to registered members!

The barnsley joke page

Discussion in 'Barnsley' started by kiwiqpr, Mar 25, 2014.

Page 425 of 838
  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    162,094
    Likes Received:
    300,429
    please log in to view this image
     
    #8481
    Wooperts_duck, May 4, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, Didley Squat, San Diego and 1 other person like this.
  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    162,094
    Likes Received:
    300,429
    please log in to view this image
     
    #8482
    Wooperts_duck, May 4, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, Didley Squat, San Diego and 1 other person like this.
  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    162,094
    Likes Received:
    300,429
    My boss rang me at 8am this morning asking where I was

    Me "I'm in Brighton - been here since 6am"

    Boss "Why?"

    Me "Last thing you said to me yesterday was I want you in Brighton early tomorrow"
     
    #8483
    Wooperts_duck, May 4, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, Didley Squat, San Diego and 2 others like this.
  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    162,094
    Likes Received:
    300,429
    please log in to view this image
     
    #8484
    Wooperts_duck, May 4, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, Didley Squat, San Diego and 2 others like this.
  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    162,094
    Likes Received:
    300,429
    please log in to view this image
     
    #8485
    Wooperts_duck, May 4, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, Didley Squat, San Diego and 1 other person like this.
  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    162,094
    Likes Received:
    300,429
    please log in to view this image
     
    #8486
    Wooperts_duck, May 5, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego and Didley Squat like this.

  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    162,094
    Likes Received:
    300,429
    While riding my Harley, I swerved to avoid hitting a deer, lost control and landed in a ditch, severely banging my head.

    Dazed and confused I crawled out of the ditch to the edge of the road when a shiny new convertible pulled up with a very beautiful woman who asked, "Are you okay?

    As I looked up, I noticed she was wearing a low-cut blouse with a cleavage to die for.
    "I'm okay I think." I replied as I pulled myself up to the side of the car to get a closer look.

    She said, "Get in and I'll take you home, so I can clean and bandage that nasty scrape on your head."

    "That's nice of you," I answered, "But I don't think my wife will like me doing that!"

    "Oh, come now, I'm a nurse," she insisted. "I need to see if you have any more scrapes and then treat them properly."

    Well, she was really pretty and very persuasive. Being sort of shaken and weak, I agreed, but repeated, "I'm sure my wife won't like this."

    We arrived at her place which was just few miles away and, after a couple of cold beers and the bandaging, I thanked her and said, "I feel a lot better, but I know my wife is going to be really upset so I'd better go now."

    Don't be silly!" she said with a smile. "Stay for a while. She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?"

    "My guess is that she's still in the ditch."
     
    #8487
    Wooperts_duck, May 5, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego, Didley Squat and 1 other person like this.
  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    162,094
    Likes Received:
    300,429
    please log in to view this image
     
    #8488
    Wooperts_duck, May 5, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego, Didley Squat and 1 other person like this.
  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    162,094
    Likes Received:
    300,429
    My daughter's pet lamb died today.

    The grieving process was delicious.
     
    #8489
    Wooperts_duck, May 5, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego, Didley Squat and 1 other person like this.
  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    162,094
    Likes Received:
    300,429
    People see me as having Dyslexia - I see myself as having sex daily.
     
    #8490
    Wooperts_duck, May 5, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego, Didley Squat and 1 other person like this.
  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    162,094
    Likes Received:
    300,429
    please log in to view this image
     
    #8491
    Wooperts_duck, May 5, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego and Didley Squat like this.
  12. Didley Squat

    Didley Squat Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 20, 2012
    Messages:
    28,208
    Likes Received:
    66,777
    Olympics?
     
    #8492
    Didley Squat, May 6, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, Wooperts_duck and San Diego like this.
  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    162,094
    Likes Received:
    300,429
    "A truck loaded with thousands of copies of Roget's Thesaurus crashed yesterday losing its entire load. Witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied, confused, shocked, rattled, paralysed, dazed, bewildered, mixed up, surprised, awed, dumbfounded, nonplussed, flabbergasted, astounded, amazed, confounded, astonished, overwhelmed, horrified, numbed, speechless, and perplexed."
     
    #8493
    Wooperts_duck, May 6, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego and Gordon Armstrong like this.
  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    162,094
    Likes Received:
    300,429
    please log in to view this image
     
    #8494
    Wooperts_duck, May 6, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego and Gordon Armstrong like this.
  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    162,094
    Likes Received:
    300,429
    Feel a lot safer now I've got my mask.......

    please log in to view this image
     
    #8495
    Wooperts_duck, May 7, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego, Taffvalerowdy and 1 other person like this.
  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    162,094
    Likes Received:
    300,429
    Why has Sean Connery spaced all his books out?

    He's been shelf isolating
     
    #8496
    Wooperts_duck, May 7, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, Gordon Armstrong, San Diego and 2 others like this.
  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    162,094
    Likes Received:
    300,429
    please log in to view this image
     
    #8497
    Wooperts_duck, May 7, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, Gordon Armstrong, San Diego and 2 others like this.
  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    162,094
    Likes Received:
    300,429
    please log in to view this image
     
    #8498
    Wooperts_duck, May 7, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego, Taffvalerowdy and 1 other person like this.
  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    162,094
    Likes Received:
    300,429
    How did the bloke that invented the clock know what time it was ?
     
    #8499
    Wooperts_duck, May 7, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, Gordon Armstrong, San Diego and 2 others like this.
  20. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 31, 2011
    Messages:
    139,719
    Likes Received:
    264,528
    upload_2020-5-8_12-10-36.jpeg
     
    #8500
    Taffvalerowdy, May 8, 2020
    Gordon Armstrong, San Diego and BluefromBridgend like this.
Page 425 of 838
: this kiwi dont eat worms, kiwi never sleeps, kiwi was here, LIKE KIWI, kiwis watching you lot, kiwi farts a lot

Share This Page