3 Men die, and are waiting to get into Heaven. St Peter was at the Pearly Gate and says, "However good you were to your Wife that is the vehicle you will get in Heaven". The First Guy comes up to the Gate and says, "I never, ever cheated on my Wife and I loved her completely". So St. Peter gives him a Rolls Royce. The Second Man comes up and says, "I cheated on my Wife a little but I still loved her." He gets a Ford Mustang and drives off into Heaven. The Third Guy comes up and says, "Actually, I cheated on my Wife quite a lot". He gets a Scooter. Next day the guy that got the Scooter was riding along and he saw the guy who owned the Rolls Royce, sat there crying his eyeballs out. He asked, "Why are you crying you have such a nice Car".. And the man sobbed, "My Wife just went by, on a Pair of Roller Skates
I wanted to see a psychic so went to one a mate recommended. I knocked on the door and she shouted "Who is it?", I thought she's not very good so never went in.
A man wakes up in the hospital, bandaged from head to foot. The doctor comes in and says, “Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now, you probably won't remember, but you were in a pile up on the freeway. You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything, but something happened. I'm trying to break this gently, but the fact is, your willy was chopped off in the wreck, and we were unable to find it.” The man groans, but the doctor goes on, “You've got $20,000 in insurance compensation coming to you, and we have the technology now to build you a new willy that will work as well as your old one did, better in fact! But the thing is, it doesn't come cheap. It's $2,000 an inch.” The man perks up at this. “So,” the doctor says, “It's for you to decide how many inches you want, but it's something you'd better discuss with your wife.” The man agrees to talk with his wife. The doctor comes back the next day. “So,” says the doctor, “have you spoken with your wife?” “I have,” says the man. “And has she helped you in making the decision?” asked the doctor. “She has,” says the man. “And what is it?” asks the doctor. “We're getting a new kitchen.”
A man walking along the beach was deep in prayer. Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, “Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.” The man said, “Build a bridge to France so I can drive over anytime I want.”The Lord said, “Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the sea! The concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that would honor and glorify me.” The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, “Lord, I wish that I could understand my wife. I want to know how she feels inside, what she’s thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says ‘nothing’s wrong,’ and how I can make a woman truly happy.” The Lord replied, “You want two lanes or four on that bridge?”
