Off Topic Jeremy Kyle V2

My wife is threatening to leave me after finding twelve 30 year old valentines cards with a questionable powdered substance on them.

 

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Next we meet the extraordinary man who kicked a dog to death to test out his new fake trainers.

 

"I share a sunbed and cum with a famous premier league footballer"

 

I am Lord of the Ring, 15000 girls can prove it, but it was in the 70s, now i'm forced to drink wine in bed

 

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I asked my wife if she's wait up to see a poll.

She left me, where did i go wrong/

 

My ex binned me off and it’s led me to hate a quarter of the worlds population.

 

I once got sucked off by a Tranny on a train, she told me she was famous on some opera opera.

I was duped.

 

"I poked fun at a disabled Asian lad because his Dad is a Muzzie"

 

episode ditched.

 

Today’s episode of Jeremy Kyle has been cancelled, the guest decided that the set appeared contaminated and was deemed an unsafe working environment.

 

Can’t stop crying because child maintenance is cutting into my ability to buy weed.

 

Oh, this has me at a loss.

 

"I posted selfies online and now get teased about looking like Gary Glitter'

 

Paul Scholes ****ed my bird - when I find out who he is I’m gonna give him a ruddy good Sieg Heil.

 

my YouTube videos got me sectioned.

 

"I was born in Sunderland but I was made in the Women's Auxiliary Balloon Corps"

 

Right I’m off to bed.