Off Topic Jeremy Kyle V2

Will pulling my foreskin back and shouting at the girls walking past be a good way to get a girlfriend or should I tell my dad to stop doing it?

 

Lie detector will prove I'm a black guy named Aubrey.

 

HELP!!! I ****ed a pigeon... it had no head... am I still a virgin?

 

Metth?

 

Of course.

 

"I came in a blow up sheep and was shocked when the ladies shunned me"

 

Wife doesn't believe me that my Internet avatars are adults.

 

She let me down

@Bodinki

 

"I seek acceptance on an online football forum for my suspicious attraction to barely legal girls"

 

Had to take it further didn't you ffs

 

I had to go back and edit 'underage' to 'barely legal'

 

Next we meet a man who smashed his own kid’s head in with a crow bar for seventeen hours because the child was playing too much Fortnite.

 

Piskie wins.

 

Well it is a Jeremy Kyle show

 

.

 

I stole my neighbour’s black pudding from his fridge as he was being stabbed to death.

 

"I drink 18 cans of Aldi lager on a week night and can still balance 14 hash browns on my nose"

 

Mom... I don’t want deriver spare wibs all my rife! Let me go to Uni!