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Off Topic The offical: Jokes THREAD

Discussion in 'Liverpool' started by Garlic Klopp, Jan 13, 2014.

  1. Zanjinho

    Zanjinho Boom!
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    Trust is the most important thing in a relationship. Because, if you're with a woman, and you don't 100% trust her, how do you know she's not going to tell your wife?
     
    #3541
    luvgonzo and Garlic Klopp like this.
  2. Garlic Klopp

    Garlic Klopp Well-Known Member

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    Turn a regular sofa into a sofa bed by simply forgetting your wife’s birthday
     
    #3542
  3. Garlic Klopp

    Garlic Klopp Well-Known Member

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    please log in to view this image
     
    #3543
  4. Garlic Klopp

    Garlic Klopp Well-Known Member

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    I wonder what Cambridge University Netball Team abbreviate their name to?
     
    #3544
  5. RogerisontheHunt

    RogerisontheHunt Well-Known Member

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    CULNC?

    Think its Coventry that have actually (IRL) used that abbreviation for tour shirts.
     
    #3545
  6. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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  7. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    please log in to view this image
     
    #3547
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  8. Garlic Klopp

    Garlic Klopp Well-Known Member

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    please log in to view this image
     
    #3548
  9. jenners04

    jenners04 I must not post porn!

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    I bet that will end up a yank college prank like an initiation test.

    Wipe arse and forced to eat the ****er <laugh>

    Everyone enjoying their dinner :bandit:
     
    #3549
  10. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    after a night out with kylie
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    #3550

  11. Garlic Klopp

    Garlic Klopp Well-Known Member

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    Wife came home from work to find her husband watching the football. "I've decided I'm leaving you, all you do is talk about football. You think about nothing else," she said. "I'm also seeing someone else. He's younger than you, handsome, understanding, tender, treats me like a queen, does anything I ask, has a 9 inch dick and ****s me hard and dirty till I can't take anymore." "Really?" The husband replies. "What football team does he support?"
     
    #3551
  12. organic red

    organic red Well-Known Member

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    <laugh> <ok>
     
    #3552
  13. Garlic Klopp

    Garlic Klopp Well-Known Member

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    #3553
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  14. Garlic Klopp

    Garlic Klopp Well-Known Member

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    #3554
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  15. LuisDiazgamechanger

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    REAKING NEWS!

    TANZANIAN POLICE OFFICER WHO HIRED A FRIEND TO GET HIS WIFE PREGNANT, TAKES HIM TO COURT FOR FAILING TO IMPREGNATE HER AFTER 77 TIMES

    In Dar-es-Salaam, a Tanzanian Court must decide on a honorable intentions in a case where a man hired his neighbor to get his wife pregnant.

    It seems that Darius Makambako 50 with his wife Precious 45, really wanted to have a child, but the renowned doctor had told the couple,the husband was sterile. There was no doubt, the couple was tired of being in a 6 year childless marriage.

    So Makambako, a member of the Tanzanian Police Force (Traffic Department), after claiming his wife’s protests, hired his neighbor Evans Mastano, 52, a fellow police officer in the country’s commercial city to impregnate his wife.

    Since Evans was already married and the father of two beautiful daughters, plus looked very much like Darius to the boot, the plan seemed good.

    Makambako paid Mastano 2,000,000 Tanzanian Shillings (equivalent to K10,000) for the job and for three evenings a week for the next 10 months in 2016.

    Evans tried desperately, a total 77 different times to impregnate his friend’s wife Precious but failed.


    Reports say Precious a nurse at a private clinic had decided to get a three months vacation leave (March to June 2016) to dedicate her time to sleeping with her husband’s best friend and neighbor in order to have her first child, but the man failed to impregnate her despite the husband leaving them in bed the whole day in most times.

    And when Precious failed to get pregnant for 10 months, however, Makambako was not understanding and insisted that Evans have a medical examination, which he did in January 2017.

    The doctor’s pronouncement that Evans Mastano was also sterile shocked everyone except his wife, who was forced to confess that Evans was not the real father of her two children, but his cousin Edward.

    “I was forced to secretly sleep with her first cousin for these two children after realizing that my husband could not impregnate me for two years”, Angela told the Dar-es-Salaam Today News.

    Now Makamboko is suing Evans for breach of contract in an effort to get his money back, but Evans refuses to give it up because he said he did not guarantee conception, but only that he would give an honest effort.

    (c) Francis Denedo Mghr.
     
    #3555
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  16. jenners04

    jenners04 I must not post porn!

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    Did i miss something dribs or that just a ****ed up story.
     
    #3556
  17. LuisDiazgamechanger

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    Can you do the job?. Real life story.<laugh>.
     
    #3557
  18. Milk not bear jizz

    Milk not bear jizz Grasser-In-Chief

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    I have three kids, anyone need me to knock someone up? Money in advance please.
     
    #3558
  19. Zanjinho

    Zanjinho Boom!
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    Just make you've had a snip first ;)
     
    #3559
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  20. Red Hadron Collider

    Red Hadron Collider The Hammerhead

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    I don't read them any more <laugh>
     
    #3560
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