I have a serious personality disorder. Sometimes, I'm a temptress from a Bizet opera and other times I'm the head of the German air force in WW2. I don't know if I'm Carmen or Goering....
My doctor diagnosed me with anxiety and constipation... I'm worried ****less. I phoned my wife earlier and asked her if she wanted me to pick up fish and chips on my way home from work but she just grunted at me... I think she still regrets letting me name the twins!
My wife and I are on the verge of splitting up because of my obsession for rugby. But I have decided to give it one last try.
A cop saw a car weaving all over the road and pulled it over. He walked up to the car and saw a nice looking girl behind the wheel. There was a strong liquor smell all over the car. "I am going to give you a Breathalyzer test,” he said. “That will show whether or not you are under the influence of alcohol.” She blew up the balloon and the cop walked it back to the police car. After a minute or two, he returned to the girl’s car. “Well, it looks like you’ve had a couple of stiff ones,” he said. “You mean it shows that too?!?!” she asked, surprised.
While installing a new door, I found that one of the hinges was missing. So, I asked my wife Mary if she would go to Home Depot and pick up a hinge... Mary agreed to go. While she was waiting for the assistant to finish serving a customer, her eye caught two beautiful bathroom taps...one for the sink and one for the bathtub. When the assistant was finished, Mary asked him, "How much are those taps?" The assistant replied, "They are gold plated taps and very expensive. The price for both are $5,000". Mary exclaimed, "My goodness, they are really expensive...certainly out of my price range." She then proceeded to describe the hinge that I had sent her to buy. The assistant said that he had them in stock and it was $3.49, then he went into the backroom to get one. From the back room he yelled..."Ma'am, you wanna screw for the hinge?" Mary shouted back, "No, but I will for the taps...
