I was born poor in a barn. My dad is a carpenter, he's not my real dad though. Robbie Fowler knocked my mum up before my Dad married her. When I was still a baby three Chinese dudes brought me some pointless gifts, I think nappy rash ointment, scented crap, oh and some gold. It was a bit weird and my parents were glad when they left, they might have been ****philes or something traveling all the way to my home town from China to bring me weird ****. As I got older I got into some trouble with the authorities, and some rat whose name I can't remember but it might have been "Michael Owen" sold me out. The government killed me, but it's OK I came back to life. Ever since then I crap chocolate eggs and get my pet rabbit to deliver them to people.
My job is so ****ing unbelievable. I'll try to sum it up by first telling you about the folks I work with: First, there is this supermodel wanna-be chick. Yeah, okay, she is pretty hot, but damn is she completely useless. The girl is constantly fixing her hair or putting on makeup. She is extremely self-centered and has never once considered the needs or wants of anyone but herself. She is as dumb as a box of rocks, and I still find it surprising that she has enough brain power to continue to breathe. The next chick is completely the opposite. She might even be one of the smartest people on the planet. Her career opportunities are endless, and yet she is here with us. She is a zero on a scale of 1 to 10. I'm not sure she even showers, much less shaves her "womanly" parts. I think she might be a lesbian, because every time we drive by the hardware store, she moans like a cat in heat. But the jewel of the crowd has got to be the ****ing stoner. And this guy is more than just your average pothead. In fact, he is baked before he comes to work, during work, and I'm sure after work. He probably hasn't been sober anytime in the last ten years, and he's only 22. He dresses like a beatnik throwback from the 1960's, and to make things worse, he brings his big ****ing dog to work. Every ****ing day I have to look at this huge Great Dane walk around half-stoned from the second-hand smoke. Hell, sometimes I even think it's trying to talk with its constant bellowing. Also, both of them are constantly hungry, requiring multiple stops to McDonalds and Burger King, every single ****ing day. Anyway, I drive these ****tards around in my van and we solve mysteries and ****.
Not ****ing long enough. 2 weeks. I flew to Mexico City and they met me at the airport. One night there then a coach to Oaxaca City. 3 nights there. Got my first quarter there (£3). Coach down to Puerto Escondido on the Pacific coast. 3 nights there and the along the coast to Mazunte. All accommodation booked by my daughter via Airbnb, and all were beautiful (tree house in Mazunte!). Accommodation and coach travel for 2 weeks? £260 Wonderful country and lovely, friendly people. Everyone says hello to you. I was on the beach in Mazunte with my daughter one afternoon drinking a cold one and smoking a spliff. A young couple walked past and said hi and we replied. They asked where we were from and I said Liverpool. The feller went mad. He had the lyrics to I Am the Walrus tattooed on the inside of his arm. Hope to go again in the summer with my eldest daughter
Nice one fella, sounds great. I did a big road trip when I was there from Puerto Vallarta right down the coast past Acapulco onto Oaxaca where I got a bus down the rest of the coast into Guatamala. What did you think of Oaxaca city ? I didn't stay long as I was travelling on but it was a beautiful looking place. I'd like to go back sometime especially to Puerto Escondido as it's a big surf destination. The beach there has some of the biggest waves in Central America, not that I'd be paddling out in 20ft+ conditions but I'd like to say I've surfed it.
Oaxaca City is great. Only small for a city (by our standards), but beautiful colonial buildings and the ****ing food is out of this world! It is known as the food capital of Mexico. Even the 'lookie-lookie' people don't hassle you. No gracias and they **** off. I can recommend a few nights there, but Mazunte is the bees bollocks.I never made it to San Jose del Pacifico, but my daughter and her feller did. Defo a place I want to go to next time - google it
I've got a bet with somebody with 'saints' in their name, haven't got a ****ing clue which one it is though
